Movie/TV Quotes About Cars and Driving....

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American Graffiti (1973)

Bob Falfa (Harrison Ford): Hey, you know a guy around here with a piss yellow deuce coupe, supposed to be hot stuff?
Terry (Charles Martin Smith): You mean John Milner?
[Falfa nods slowly]
Hey, nobody can beat him, man. He's got the fastest -
Bob Falfa: I ain't nobody, dork. Right?
Terry: Right.
Bob Falfa: Hey, you see this Milner, tell him I'm lookin' for him, huh? Tell him I aim to blow his ass right off the road.

Falfa: Hey you're s'posed to be the fastest thing in the Valley man, but that can't be your car. It must be your mama's car! I'm sorta' embarrassed to be this close to ya!
Milner (Paul Le Mat): Yeah, well I'm not surprised, drivin' a field car!
Falfa: Field car? What's a field car?
Milner: A field car runs through the fields, droppin' cow shit all over the place to make the lettuce grow.
Falfa: Ha ha! That's pretty good! Say, I like the color of your car there. What's that s'posed to be? Sort of a cross between piss yella' and puke green ain't it?
Milner: Well, you call that a paint job, but it's pretty ugly. I bet you got to sneak up on the pumps just to get a little air in your tires!
Falfa: Well at least I don't have to pull over to the side just to let a funeral go by man.
Milner: Oh ho, funny!

Carol (Mackenzie Phillips): Your car is uglier than I am. Oops, that didn't come out right.

Debbie Dunham (Candy Clark): Peel out, I just love it when guys peel out.

Teenager in car: [to Terry] Is that you in that beautiful car? Geez, what a waste of machinery!

Debbie Dunham: Is that tuck and roll?
Terry: Yeah!
Debbie Dunham: Bitchin! I just love the feel of tuck and roll upholstery.
Terry: Yeah? Well, get in and I'll let you feel it... I mean, you know, you can touch it... uh... I'll let you feel the upholstery.

Americathon (1979)

Narrator: [opening sequence; two dinosaurs fighting] What you're looking at is downtown Pittsburgh, one million B.C. Those two big guys are fighting for a parking space. This is where our story begins. If they could have just learned to live together like decent human beings, they'd still be around and there never would have been an energy crisis. But they died out, and what was left of them turned into fossil fuel... Oil. See, it's not cute when eleven tons gets cranky. Their problem was they were all teeth and no brain...
Narrator: [Shot of President Jimmy Carter] ...which brings us to this guy. Jimmy Carter was President of the United States when everybody started to notice we were running out of dead dinosaurs. No more gas to run our cars. Fights at the pump. People getting nozzle-whipped. So what was his solution? He made a speech.
President Jimmy Carter: The energy crisis has not yet overwhelmed us. But it will, if we do not act quickly.
Narrator: We didn't. When America finally ran out of gas, an angry mob broke into the White House and lynched him. Along with three or four of his snottier cabinet members.

Analyze This (1999)

[After shooting stops]

Dr. Ben Sobel (Billy Crystal): J-Jelly? Did I do that?
Jelly (Joe Viterelli): No, Doc. That one's mine. You got the '72 Chevy, and the Amana side-by-side refrigerator-freezer.

Another 48 Hrs.

Reggie (Eddie Murphy): How much of my money did you spend?
Jack (Nick Nolte): Oh, about 25 grand. You said I could buy a new car.
Reggie: So where is it?
Jack: This "is" the new car!
Reggie: This looks like the same piece-of-shit sky blue Cadillac you had before!
Jack: Yeah, I bought the same make, model, year, color, everything the same. That's the way I like it. I get attached to things, Reggie!

Back To The Future

Marty McFly: Wait a minute, Doc. Ah... Are you telling me you built a time machine... out of a DeLorean?
Doctor Emmet Brown: The way I see it, if you're gonna build a time machine into a car, why not do it with some style?

Doctor Emmet Brown: If my calculations are correct, when this baby hits eighty-eight miles per hour ... you're gonna see some serious shit.

Marty McFly: The car, Dad! I mean he [Biff] wrecked it! He totaled it! I needed that car tomorrow night, Dad. Do you have any idea how important this is to me? Do you have any clue?

Biff Tannen: I have your car towed all the way to your house and all you've got for me is LIGHT beer?

Dr. Emmet Brown: Roads? Where we're going we don't need roads.

Bad Boys (1995)

Marcus Burnett (Martin Lawrence): Hey man where-where-where's your cup holder?
Mike Lowrey (Will Smith): I don't have one.
Marcus Burnett: What the f- w'you mean you don't have one? Eighty thousand dollars for this car and you ain't got no damn cup holder?
Mike Lowrey: It's $105,000 and this happens to be one of the fastest production cars on the planet. Zero to sixty in four seconds, sweetie. It's a limited edition.
Marcus Burnett: You damn right it's limited. No cup holder, no back seat. Just a shiny dick with two chairs in it. I guess we the balls just draggin' the f*ck along.

Batman Forever (1989)

Batman (Val Kilmer): It must be the car. Chick's always dig the car.

The Joker (Jack Nicholson): Where does he get those wonderful toys?

Ben-Hur (1959) the original race movie!

Hugh Griffith: You've seen my horses. They need only a driver who is worthy of them.

The Bernie Mac Show (2001)(TV)

Bernie Mac: Okay, first rule of this carpool. No breaking wind in my car. The only gas that Bernie Mac want to be smelling is unleaded.

Beverly Hills Cop (1984)

Axel Foley (Eddie Murphy): Disturbing the peace? I got thrown out of a window! What's the f**kin' charge for getting pushed out of a moving
car, huh? Jaywalking?

Jenny Summers (Lisa Eilbacher): I remember you used to drive that crappy blue Chevy Nova.
Axel Foley: [laughs with her]
Jenny Summers: So what are you driving now?
Axel Foley: Same crappy blue Chevy Nova.

Axel Foley: Gimme the keys! I'm gonna follow them!
Jenny Summers: Have you ever driven a Mercedes before?
Axel Foley: No, but a car is a car! I drive my car every day!
Jenny Summers: I'm driving. I've seen your car.
Axel Foley: Oh shit, that's cold.

Beverly Hills Cop II (1987)

Axel Foley: You just hit a squad car!
Billy Rosewood (Judge Reinhold): It's okay, I know the guy. He's a jerk.

[Rosewood runs a red light]
Sergeant Taggart (John Ashton): It's red! It's red!
Rosewood: It's green! [He hits another car]
Rosewood: All right, it was red.
Foley: It was yellow!

The Big Lebowski (1998)

Maude Lebowski (Julianne Moore): What do you do for recreation?
The Dude (Jeff Bridges): Oh, the usual. I bowl. Drive around. The occasional acid flashback.

The Bill (1984)

PC Cass Rickman (Suzanne Maddock): Smithy thinks the lotus position is having sex in a flashy car.

Birds of Prey (2002)(TV)

Helena Kyle (Ashley Scott): Slow down, you're driving like a maniac!
Barbara Gordon (Dina Meyer): When did you become the back-seat driver from hell?

The Blues Brothers (1980)

Elwood: You don't like it?
Jake: No I don't like it... [Elwood Blues floors the pedal and jumps over an open drawbridge]. Of course it's got a lot of pickup...
Elwood: It's got a cop motor, a 440 cubic inch plant, it's got cop tires, cop suspensions, cop shocks. It's a model made before catalytic converters so it'll run good on regular gas. What do you say, is it the new Bluesmobile or what?
Jake: [Jake lights a cigarette and then throws the lighter out of the window] Fix the cigarette lighter.

Elwood: It's 106 miles to Chicago, we've got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark and we're wearing sunglasses.
Jake: Hit it!

Officer Mount: I don't believe it. It's that shitbox Dodge again!

Jake: First you trade the Cadillac for a microphone. Then you lie to me about the band. Now you're gonna put me right back in the joint!
Elwood: They're not gonna catch us. We're on a mission from God!

Elwood: Our Lady of Blessed Acceleration, don't fail us now!

Elwood: We'll be all right if we can just get back on the expressway.
Jake: This don't look like no expressway to me, pal.
Elwood: Don't yell at me.
Jake: Well whadda you want me to do, Motorhead?
Elwood: Why da ya gotta be so negative all the time? Why can't ya offer some... constructive criticism?

Elwood: Oh no!
Jake: What the f**k was that?
Elwood: We threw a rod!
Jake: Is that serious?
Elwood: Yup.

Elwood: The light was yellow, sir.

Jake: I ran out of gas! I got a flat tire! I didn't have change for cab fare! I lost my tux at the cleaners! I locked my keys in the car! An old friend came in from out of town! Someone stole my car! There was an earthquake! A terrible flood! Locusts! IT WASN'T MY FAULT, I SWEAR TO GOD!

Elwood: You want I should wipe the dead bugs off the windshield, ma'am?

Police Dispatcher: Use of unnecessary violence in the apprehension of the Blues Brothers HAS been approved.

The Body (2001)

Sharon Golban (Olivia Williams): All Israelis drive like this.
Father Gutierrez (Antonio Banderas): Well then, all Palestinians have to do is give you faster cars, and wait for the inevitable.

Bonnie and Clyde (1967)

Bonnie Parker (Faye Dunaway): Hey, that ain't ours!
Clyde Barrow (Warren Beatty): Sure it is.
Bonnie Parker: But we come in this one.
Clyde Barrow: That don't mean we have to go home in it!

Buffalo '66 (1998)

Billy Brown (Vincent Gallo): [Trying to start Layla's car] Is this a shifter car? I cannot drive a shifter car, alright, so we got a little situation here. I can't drive these kinda cars! What the f**k is goin' on! You think that's funny? Would you like to know, smartass? Would you like to know why I can't drive this kinda car? I'll tell you why, I'm used to "luxury" cars. Have you ever heard of a luxury car? You know what luxury means? Ever heard of Cadillac, Cadillac Eldorado? That's what I drive. I drive cars that "shift" themselves.

Cadillac Man (1990)
Robin Williams (to self): You can't sell a widow a car at her husband's funeral!
Cannonball Run (1981)

Organizer (Brock Yates): I'd like to welcome you all to an event that's sometimes been called the Automotive counterpart to the Bay of Pigs.

Organizer: You are certainly the most distinguished group of highway scofflaws and degenerates ever gathered together in one place

Organizer: Of course you know certain sceptics note that perhaps 10,000 of the nations's most elite highway patrolmen are out there waiting for us after we start, but let's stay positive: Think of the fact that there's not one state in the 50 that has the death penalty for speeding... although I'm not so sure about Ohio.

The Sheik (Jamie Farr): My driving is rivaled only by the lightning bolts from the heavens!
Sheik's Sister (Bianca Jagger): So you still intend to enter the race with the infidel Americans?
The Sheik: My dear sister, the Cannonball shall fall to the forces of Islam! I swear it!

CHP officer: Headquarters, we are still in pursuit of the black Lamborghini.
Dispatcher: Car 42, you've been in pursuit for two hours. Another five minutes and you'll be in Arizona.
CHP officer: Yeah, and we're going to stay in pursuit until we catch them.
Dispatcher: It didn't take us THAT long to catch Dillinger.

J.J. McClure (Burt Reynolds): Look, we can't have a car with numbers on it. So, we're going to have to disguise the car somehow.
Victor Prinsi (Dom DeLuise): Alright.
J.J. McClure: How about a big, black limousine with diplomatic plates?
Victor Prinsi: Nah!
J.J. McClure: Nah. I know, a bloodmobile. They wouldn't stop a bloodmobile, would they?
Victor Prinsi: Nah!
J.J. McClure: Nah.
Victor Prinsi: An ice cream truck! Yeah, an ice cream truck! Y'know, they gotta get there before it melts!

Mr. Foyt: Well, how do you all feel now you have raped the American highways?
J.J. McClure: Beautiful!

Jamie Blake (Dean Martin): That's a good-looking piece! and cunningly disguised so it won't look like a racing car, you know. The cops would never give that a second glance!
Jill Rivers (Tara Buckman): 220 miles an hour and they aren't gonna get a second glance!

Carpool (1996)

Daniel (David Paymer): Can't one of the neighbors drive the carpool? What about Mr. Kopek?
Mrs. Miller (Stellina Rusich): He's 88.
Daniel: So he'll drive real slow.
Mrs. Miller: He's had three strokes.
Daniel: But never while driving.

Franklin (Tom Arnold): Uh oh. I dropped my wallet. I can't drive without a driver's license, you'll have to switch with me.
Daniel: I don't think that rule applies when committing a felony.
Franklin: Oh, right.

Car Wash (1976)
Antonio Fargas: Praise this car, honey.

Cheers (1982) (TV)

[Sam tries to hotwire Cliff's disabled car]
Frasier: Are you sure you know what you're doing?
Sam: Don't worry. My old friend Buck taught me how to hotwire a car.
[Sam electrocutes himself and falls to the ground]
Frasier: Sam, are you all right?
Sam: Diane?
Cliff: You see, Sammy. What your friend Buck never counted on was the Cliff Clavin Auto Security System. First, Mr. Car Thief gets the shock of his life, then the doors automatically lock and the alarm goes off.
Norm: Wait, the doors "lock"?
Cliff: Yeah, and the alarm should be going off. I don't know why it ain't working.
Norm: I guess I'll have to do it manually then... [screaming at Cliff] You locked us out of the car!

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang (1968)

Truly Scrumptious (Sally Ann Howes): What an unusual car.
Jeremy (Adrian Hall): Daddy made it.
Truly Scrumptious: [laughs] Oh? And it actually goes?
Jemimah (Heather Ripley): It's called Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.
Truly Scrumptious: That's a curious name for a motorcar.
Jemimah: But that's the sound it makes. Listen.

Grandpa (Lionel Jeffries): Nasty smellin' things, motorcars!

Chuck Berry Hail! Hail! Rock 'n' Roll (1987)

Chuck Berry: [showing off his Cadillacs] I love the tinted windows, gives me a good place to hide, when it's time to hide.

Christine (1983)

George LeBay (Roberts Blossom): Her name's Christine.
Arnie Cunningham (Keith Gordon): I like that.
Dennis Guilder (John Stockwell): Come on Arnie, we gotta get goin', huh?
LeBay: My asshole brother bought her back in September '57. That's when you got your new model year, in September. Brand-new, she
was. She had the smell of a brand-new car. That's just about the finest smell in the world, 'cept maybe for....

Cunningham: Whoa, whoa. You better watch what you say about my car. She's real sensitive.

Will Darnell (Robert Prosky): 'Kiddo, you sold him that piece of shit, you oughta be f**kin' ashamed of yourself.
Guilder: I didn't sell it to him. I tried to talk him out of it.
Darnell: You shoulda' tried harder.

Darnell: [to Dennis] I knew a guy had a car like that once. F**kin' b**tard killed himself in it. Son of a b**ch was so mean, you could've poured boiling water down his throat and he would've pissed ice cubes! [to Arnie]. Okay. That's the last time you run that mechanical asshole in here without an exhaust hose... I catch you doing it one time, and you're out, you understand? HUH?
Arnie Cunningham: Yes, sir.
Darnell: And I'm gonna tell you something else right now. I don't take any shit from you kids. This place is for working stiffs gotta keep their cars running so they can keep bread on the table, it's not for rich-assed, snot-nose kids who wanna go dragging around on the Orange Belt. I don't allow no smoking in here, neither! You wanna' butt, you go out in the junkyard!

Christmas Vacation (1989)

Clark (Chevy Chase): Burn some dust here. Eat my rubber.
Rusty Griswold (Johnny Galecki): Dad, I think you mean burn rubber and eat my dust.
Clark: Whatever, Russ. Whatever.

Collateral (2004)

Max (Jamie Foxx): I can't drive you around while you're killing folks. It ain't my job!
Vincent (Tom Cruise):
Tonight it is.

[after Vincent and Max load a corpse into the cab's trunk]
Vincent: Lets go.
Max: Hey, why don't you just take the cab?
Vincent: Take the cab?
Max: Yeah, you take it. I'll - I'll chill. I'll - I'll just chill. They don't even know who's driving these things half the time anyway. They never check or anything. Okay... so... just - just take it. You, me...
Vincent: You promise not to tell anybody right?
Max: Yeah... yeah... yeah... promise.
Vincent: Get in the f*cking car.

Traffic Cop #2: Hey, is this blood up here on your windshield?
Max: Yeah, uh, yeah. I hit a deer.
Traffic Cop #1: You hit a deer?
Max: Yeah, over on, uh, it was on Slauson.
Traffic Cop #1: A South Central deer?

Max: Why didn't you just kill me and get another cab driver?
Vincent: Cause you're good. We're in this together. Fates intertwined. Cosmic Coincidence.

Vincent: [to Max when pulled over by police] Don't get me cornered. You don't have the trunk space.... If you open that trunk, they go inside.

The Cosby Show (1984)(TV)

Theo: Hey dad. Am I really in that much trouble?
Cliff: Let me tell you something. Your mother and I go into the kitchen. You can go out and get in MY car. You can drive BACKWARDS to Coney Island, run over the hot dog man and TWO stop signs and you won't be in any more trouble than you are in now.

Cliff: You know what we're gonna do? When Rudy gets her driver's license, you and I are gonna go down to the salvage dump. We're gonna pick out the worst, bashed, smashed-looking thing that still runs and we're gonna let her drive it. That way if anybody hits her, it'll be an improvement.

Clair: [discussing the "joys" of being a parent] How about getting in the car to go to work and discovering that your daughter's understanding of the word "empty" means, "I'll just park the car over here and Mom will fill it up?"
Cliff: How about leaving the car radio on, so that both of us have a heart attack last time? You left the thing up so loud, your mother's hair went straight up!

Crash (1996)

Vaughan (Elias Koteas): The car crash is a fertilizing rather than a destructive event.

Vaughan: I've always wanted to drive a crashed car.
James Ballard (James Spader): You could get your wish at any moment.
Vaughan: No, I mean a crashed car with a history...

Crash Course (1988)

Edna Savage (Jackée Harry): Mr. Konnor, what's the first thing you do when you get into a car?
Riko Konnor (Brian Bloom): Hot-wire it.

Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles (2001)

Mick "Crocodile" Dundee (Paul Hogan): I guess that's why they call Los Angeles "the city on wheels".
Jacko (Alec Wilson): Why do you say that?
Mick "Crocodile" Dundee: Well they don't even get out of their cars to mug ya.

Days of Thunder (1990)

Harry Hogge (Robert Duvall): What do you know about stock car racing?
Cole Trickle (Tom Cruise): Well... watched it on television, of course.
Harry Hogge: You've seen it on television?!
Cole Trickle: ESPN. The coverage is excellent, you'd be surprised at how much you can pick up.
Harry Hogge: I'm sure I would.

Rowdy Burns (Michael Rooker): You run good.
Cole Trickle: Thank you.
Rowdy Burns: Now go get your own car and we'll see how you do in a crowd.

Harry Hogge: Cole, you're wandering all over the track!
Cole Trickle: Yeah, well this son of a bitch just slammed into me.
Harry Hogge: No, no, he didn't slam you, he didn't bump you, he didn't nudge you... he '"rubbed" you. And rubbin', son, is racin'.

Harry Hogge: [During a pit stop] All right. While we're still under a caution, I want you to go back out on that track and hit the pace car.
Cole Trickle: Hit the pace car?
Harry Hogge: Hit the pace car.
Cole Trickle: What for?
Harry Hogge: Because you've hit every other goddamned thing out there, I want you to be perfect.

Cole Trickle: [Giving Harry a dianogsis of the car before coming onto pit road] The good news is the accelerator's fixed. The bad news is the
transmission's screwed. I'm coming in!

Dr. Claire Lewicki (Nicole Kidman): Boy, you're very quick.
Cole Trickle: You oughta see me drive.

Dr. Claire Lewicki: Tell me what you love so much about racing. Cole Trickle: Speed. To be able to control it. To know that I can control something that's out of control.

Harry Hogge: [talking to the chassis] I'm gonna give you an engine low to the ground... extra thick oil pan to cut the wind from underneath you. It'll give you thirty or forty more horsepower. I'm gonna give you a fuel line that'll hold an extra gallon of gas. I'm gonna shave half an inch off you and shape you like a bullet. I'll get you primed, painted and weighed, and you'll be ready to go out on that racetrack. Hear me? You're gonna be perfect.

Death Race 2000 (1975)

Harold (Carle Bensen): As the cars roar into Pennsylvania, the cradle of liberty, it seems apparent that our citizens are staying off the streets, which may make scoring particularly difficult, even with this year's rule changes. To recap those revisions: women are still worth 10 points more than men in all age brackets, but teenagers now rack up 40 points, and toddlers under 12 now rate a big 70 points. The big score: anyone, any sex, over 75 years old has been upped to 100 points.

Junior (Don Steele): Frankenstein! Frankenstein the legend, Frankenstein the indestructible! Sole survivor of the titanic pile-up of '95, only two-time winner of the Transcontinental Road Race... Frankenstein! Ripped up, wiped out, battered, shattered, creamed, and reamed... a dancer on the brink of death... Frankenstein, who lost a leg in '98, an arm in '99! With half a face and half a chest, and all the guts in the world, he's back!

Matilda the Hun (Roberta Collins): Whoever named your car the Bull... was only half right!

Matilda the Hun: Well, what does she expect? You leave your navigator lying around, naturally somebody is going to run over him.

Cleopatra (Leslie McRae): It isn't my fault everyone scored before us. You should have gone after that boy scout camp like I told you!
Nero the Hero (Martin Kove): I tried the goddamn boy scout camp. You know how fast those Boy Scouts move?
Cleopatra: Now here's something more your speed.
Nero the Hero: That'll be at least 200 points!
Cleopatra: If they scatter, go for the baby and the mother.

Junior: Well America, there you have it, Frankenstein has just been attacked by the French Air Force and he's whipped their derrieres!

Frankenstein (David Carradine): You want to make love to me because I drive the Monster and wear this costume.

Grace Pander (Joyce Jameson): She was a great, dear friend of mine and I shall remember her forever howling down that freeway in the sky, knocking over... the angels.

Junior: Frankenstein scores! Frankenstein scores at last! But what kind of a score, boys and girls? Just 80 points out a possible big 700. What do you think, Gracie?
Grace Pander: Well, those doctors - dear friends of mine - have been pretty smug all these years setting up the old folks. Frankenstein must have decided it was their turn.
Harold: Which only goes to show that even the fearsome Frankenstein has a one-hundred-percent, red-blooded American sense of humor, heh heh.

Demolition Man (1993)

John Spartan (Sylvester Stallone): [the voice-activated car that Spartan is riding in malfunctions] Brake! Brake! Brake now, you Mickey
Mouse-piece of shit!

Detour (1945)

Tom Neal: Someday a car will pick me up that I never thumbed.

Dirty Mary Crazy Larry (1974)

Hanks (Eugene Daniels): [walking through police garage] Stevie! Stevie, ma boy! Where are ya?
Steve (Tom Castranova): Hey!
Hanks: Where the hell's that car at? [referring to high-performance police car]
Steve: Over here... but she ain't got any siren or lights yet.
Hanks: Hey look, all I care about, is what you've got under that hood.
Steve: Take a look [starts police car, car rumbles to life].
Hanks: [smiles broadly] So, what's my top end on this?
Steve: Unlimited.

Larry Rayder (Peter Fonda): [being chased by a police car] What does he have under that hood?
Deke Sommers (Adam Roarke): The driver's no slouch either.

Mary Coombs (Susan George): [in car speeding towards opening drawbridge] Hey, wait a minute... why aren't we slowing down?
Larry Rayder: [laughs] She doesn't know me very well, does she, Deke?
Deke Sommers: Not likely she ever will with about one second to live.

Everett Franklin (Vic Morrow): [in helicopter pursuing Dodge Charger] I want 'em stopped.
Helicopter Pilot: Stopped, how?
Everett Franklin: I don't know how, I wouldn't be asking you if I knew how to fly this thing, would I? Now you listen to me, flyboy: I want 'em stopped, I don't give a good god damn if you gotta crash right into him. You hear me? 'Cause if you don't, you're gonna start screaming mayday, 'cause I'm gonna give it a try!

Donnie Brasco (1997)

FBI Technician: What's "forget about it"?
Donnie Brasco (Johnny Depp): "Forget about it" is like if you agree with someone, you know, like "Raquel Welch is one great piece of ass, forget
about it." But then, if you disagree, like "A Lincoln is better than a Cadillac? Forget about it!" you know? But then, it's also like if something's the greatest thing in the world, like mingia those peppers, "forget about it." But it's also like saying "Go to hell!" too. Like, you know, like "Hey Paulie, you got a one inch pecker?" and Paulie says "Forget about it!" Sometimes it just means forget about it.

Dr. Dolittle 2 (2001)

Racoon: Hey Doc. These are some nice wheels here what do ya call this thing?
Dr. Dolittle: Oh, this is a Mustang.
Possum: Hey Doc is there a car named after me?
Dr. Dolittle: Naw, I don't think they make a Possum.
Possum: WHY NOT?
Dr. Dolittle: They usually don't make cars named after rodents.

Dragnet (1954)

Max Troy (Stacy Harris): I still need that ash tray.
Sgt. Joe Friday (Jack Webb): You've got the Cadillac - drive over here and get it!

Dragnet (1987)

Joe Friday (Dan Aykroyd): After losing the two previous vehicles we had been issued, the only car the department was willing to release to us at this point was an unmarked 1987 Yugo, a Yugoslavian import donated to the department as a test vehicle by the government of that country and reflecting the cutting edge of Serbo-Croatian technology.

Pep Streebeck (Tom Hanks): You know Friday, we're allowed to go 55. Sometimes even higher.
Friday: Did it ever occur to you that by going eight miles an hour slower, we might save some gas and ease the burden on the poor taxpayers that pay our salaries.
Pep Streebeck: A little gas isn't gonna put the city in hock and besides this looks bad, man

Drive (1997)

Toby Wong (Mark Dacascos): Let's go let's go!
Malik Brody (Kadeem Hardison):
We are going, this ain't the Batmobile!

Delivarence Bodine (Brittany Murphy): They say you can tell what a man's like, by the type of car that he drives. So when did Godzilla get a hold of your car?

The Driver (1978)

Teeth (Rudy Ramos): How do we know you're that good?
The Driver (Ryan O'Neal): Get in.

The Driver: [after methodically destroying a Mercedes-Benz for his "audition"] Better get new plates if you plan on taking it out again. People might be looking for it.
Glasses (Joseph Walsh): You're crazy!

The Detective (Bruce Dern): I really like chasing you.
The Driver: Sounds like you got a problem.

Drive-In Massacre (1976)

Detective Mike (Adam Lawrence): We have a witness, who saw you crawl out of your car and over to the victim's car. What were you doing pissing on
the hubcaps?

Driving Miss Daisy (1989)

Daisy Werthan (Jessica Tandy): Did you have the air-conditioning checked? I told you to have the air conditioning checked.
Hoke Colburn (Morgan Freeman): I had the air-conditioning checked. I
don't know what for. You never allow me to turn it on.

Daisy Werthan: You should have let me keep my old LaSalle. It never would've behaved this way and you know it.
Boolie Werthan (Dan Aykroyd): Mama, cars don't behave. They are behaved upon. Fact is, you demolished that Chrysler all by yourself.
Daisy Werthan: Say what you want, I know the truth.
Boolie Werthan: The truth is, you just cost the insurance company $2,700. You're a terrible risk. Nobody's gonna want to issue you a policy after this.
Daisy Werthan: You're just saying that to be hateful!
Boolie Werthan: OK. I am. I'm makin' it all up. Look out there in the driveway! Every insurance company in America is out there, waving their fountain pen, trying to get you to sign up!

Duct Tape Forever (2002)

Harold Green (Patrick McKenna): To enter the contest, we need something that's at least 50% duct tape. Most of your cars already are.

Duel (1971)

David Mann (Dennis Weaver): Come on you miserable fat-head, get that fat-ass truck outta my way!

David Mann: Don't... don't... don't sit on the hood. That hood will dent. I told the kids not to get on the hood! Just see if you can bounce it loose, and I'll... ah... just bounce it loose.

David Mann: You can't beat me on the grade. You can't beat me on the grade!

David Mann: That truck driver's crazy, he's been trying to kill me, I mean it!
Bus Driver (Lou Frizzell): Well, mister, if I was to vote on who's crazy around here, it'd be you.

David Mann: How can he go so fast?

Dutch (1991)

Dutch (Ed O'Neill): You can't beat a Ford for good brakes!

Employee of the Month (2004)

David Walsh (Matt Dillon): If America is the great melting pot, then L.A. public transportation is the gooey shit baked on the bottom.

European Vacation (1985)

[In England]
Ellen Griswold (Beverly D'Angelo): Clark, you're on the wrong side of the road.
Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase): Yes I know, honey, I'm also on the wrong side of the car.

Evel Knievel (1971)

Evel Knievel (George Hamilton): [speaking to the camera] Ladies and gentlemen, you have no idea how good it makes me feel to be here today. It is truly an honor to risk my life for you. An honor. Before I jump this motorcycle over these 19 cars - and I want you to know there's not a Volkswagen or a Datsun in the row - before I sail cleanly over that last truck, I want to tell you that last night a kid came up to me and he said, "Mr Knievel, are you crazy? That jump you're going to make is impossible, but I already have my tickets because I want to see you splatter." That's right, that's what he said. And I told that boy last night that nothing is impossible.

The Fast & The Furious (2001)

Dom (Vin Diesel): Ask any racer, any real racer. It doesn't matter if you win by an inch or a mile; winning's winning.

Dom: I live my life a quarter mile at a time. Nothing else matters: not the mortgage, not the store, not my team and all their bullshit. For those ten seconds or less, I'm free.

Dom: I said a 10 second car, not a 10 minute car.

Brian (Paul Walker): I thought if I got in your good graces you might let me keep my car.
You are in my good graces, but you ain't keepin' your car.

Edwin (Ja Rule): It's not how you stand by your car, it's how you race your car.

Brian: So what's your best time?
I've never driven her...
Why not?
She scares the shit out of me.

Dom: You almost had me? You never had me - you never had your car... Granny shiftin' not double clutchin' like you should. You're lucky that hundred shot of NOS didn't blow the welds on the intake! Now me and the mad scientist gotta rip apart the block, and replace the piston rings you fried.

Faster (2003)

Mick Doohan (Mick Doohan): I use to think all road racers were nuts. You know racing around a track at that speed.

Wayne Rainey (Wayne Rainey): As a racer you always have that at the back of your mind. That you always wonder when's it gonna happen. Cause it will happen, you know you will fall off.

Valentino Rossi (Valentino Rossi): The speed is something dangerous but very exciting.

Michael Scott: Were all junkies, speed junkies.

Julian Ryder: Anybody who could ride a 500cc GP motorcycle well enough to qualify on Grand Prix grid is a hero, Anybody! because these things are the most evil devices if you treat them wrong, they will bite.

Trevor Morris: There's no word to explain the acceleration.

Mick Doohan: I don't know where he gets his excuses, but I wish I had them when I was racing.

Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill! (1965)

Gas Station Attendant (Mickey Fox): [staring at Varla's chest as he pumps gas] Just passing through, huh? Boy, that motor's sure hot! You gals really must have been moving on these little machines. Yessir, the thrill of the open road. New places, new people, new sights of interest. Now that's what I believe in, seeing America first!
Varla (Tura Satana): You won't see much of it lookin' there, Columbus!

The Old Man (Stuart Lancaster): Women! They let 'em vote, smoke and drive - even put 'em in pants! And what happens? A Democrat for president!

Ferris Bueller's Day Off (1986)

Ferris (Matthew Broderick): I asked for a car, I got a computer. How's that for being born under a bad sign? I do have a test today. that wasn't bullshit. It's on European socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not European. I don't plan on being European. So who cares if they're socialists? They could be fascist anarchists. It still doesn't change the fact that I don't own a car.

Cameron (Alan Ruck): The 1961 Ferrari 250GT California. Less than a hundred were made. My father spent three years restoring this car. It is
his love, it is his passion.
Ferris: It is his fault he didn't lock the garage.

Sloane: What could happen to it? It's in a garage.
Cameron: It could get wrecked, stolen, breathed on wrong...

Cameron: Ferris, my father loves this car more than life itself.
Ferris: A man with priorities so far out of whack doesn't deserve such a fine automobile. [Ferris caresses the car in admiration].
Cameron: No. No! Apparently, you don't understand!
Ferris: [ignoring Cameron] Wow.
Cameron: Ferris, he never drives it! He just rubs it with a diaper!

Sloane (Mia Sara): What are we going to do?
Ferris: The question isn't "what are we going to do," the question is "what aren't we going to do?"
Cameron: Please don't say were not going to take the car home. Please don't say were not going to take the car home. Please don't say were not going to take the car home.
Ferris: [to the camera] If you had access to a car like this, would you take it back right away? [beat] Neither would I.

Cameron: [while kicking his father's car] Who do you love? Who do you love? You love a car!

Cameron: What'd I do?
Ferris: You killed the car.

Jeannie (Jennifer Grey): I can't drive when you're yelling at me! STOP IT!

Fletch (1983)

Chevy Chase: Can I borrow your towel, my car just hit a water buffalo?

Flirting with Disaster (1996)

Nancy Coplin (Patricia Arquette): Does anybody actually own a white Taurus, or are they all rentals?

Mr. Coplin (George Segal): San Diego has a big carjacking problem. They bump you, and when you stop, they mutilate you and take your car.

The Flying Car (2002) (TV)

Randal (Jeff Anderson): [sitting in traffic] It's times like this it occurs to me that we were lied to by "The Jetsons."
Dante (Brian O'Halloran): What are you talking about?
Randal: According to that show we were suppose to be tooling around in flying cars by now. You see any flying cars lately? That's the problem with TV, it always lies to us.
Dante: Yeah, well most of us rational thinkers weren't banking on a cartoon to offer us a viable glimpse into the future of technological development.

Dante: Ok, I'll trade my left foot for the flying car.
Randal: Why your left foot?
Dante: Oh, it's got an ingrown toenail.

Randal: Need I remind you this is for the flying car?
Dante: It ain't worth it.
Randal: See? You're what's wrong with this country, hell, with this world. You're always thinking about you're own comfort level, never thinking about the rest of us. This country was built on sacrifice and nearly thirty years of living a life full of selfish foot pampering and inter-gender intercourse has made you too soft to throw your hat over the wall for the good of mankind. And what's worse is; not only do you ruin it for the rest of us with the flying car, but you completely blow the notion of American nobility in the process. The children of the world have no heroic figure to emulate, so the future of mankind continues on it's downward spiral into entropy and mass extinction, until all that was once great about the human race lies buried in the primordial stew, to which we'll most certainly return, thanks to you and your refusal to reach for the stars. And you'll forever be remembered as the sad footnote in the book of life, the wimpy little scumbag who could have breached the chasm of becoming and being, but instead opted to cover his own ass and foot in the process.
Dante: ALRIGHT! I'll go through with the deal. I'll let the German scientist hack my foot off, then him and his friends can have their way with me, all for the flying car.
Randal: You'd do it with a bunch of guys just to get a car? I thought I knew you man.

Dante: All right! I'll go through with the deal. I'll let the German scientist hack my foot off. Then him and his friends can have their way with me. All for the flying car.
Randal: You'd do it with a bunch of guys just to get a car? I thought I knew you man. Are you saying you wouldn't cut off your foot for the flying car?
You are that selfish?
Dante: Its my foot how am I supposed to walk?
Randal: Why Walk? You'll have the Flying Car!

For Your Eyes Only (1981)

Roger Moore: I love a drive in the country don't you.

Fried Green Tomatoes (1991)

Evelyn Couch (Kathy Bates): [gets cut off in a parking lot] Hey! I was waiting for that spot!
Girl 1:
Face it lady, we're younger and faster!
[Evelyn rear-ends the other car six times]
Girl 1:
What are you DOING?
Girl 2:
Are you CRAZY?
Evelyn Couch:
Face it, I'm older and I have more insurance!

Gone in 60 Seconds (1974)

Male police dispatcher: [as police cars fly over bridge] Attention all units in the San Pedro, Long Beach, Torrance and Carson areas. Stand-by to copy. Long Beach PD is in pursuit of a 1973 Ford Mustang, yellow in color. California license 614 Henry Sam Ocean. One occupant, male caucasian. Approximately aged forty-five. Six feet, one-hundred-and-eighty-five pounds. Gray hair and mustache, gray coat, black pants. The reason for pursuit unknown.

Maindrian Pace (H.B. Halicki): Hey, Stanley, what's your new girlfriend's name?
Stanley Chase (James McIntyre): Jill, why?
Maindrian Pace: I'm going to name this car after her, 'cause she's a wreck too.

Maindrian Pace: What are you doing out this late at night?
Hawkins: Ah, I just finished taking a report down at Whittlesey Motors. It seems somebody ripped-off a Manta.
Maindrian Pace: What's a Manta?
Hawkins: The thirty-fifth expensive car stolen in three days! You heard about that, didn't you?
Maindrian Pace: Listen, all I hear is the insurance companies screaming at us every time they lose a lousy dime.

Gone in Sixty Seconds (2000)

Drycoff (Timothy Olyphant): All gone, we didn't get a single one of them, and we are talking about professionals. No visible damage to locking mechanisms, steering columns, or ignitions, and as you can see, these are not Honda Civics. This is one of three brand-new Mercedes, a car they say is "unstealable."

Donny (Chi McBride): Hello, and welcome to "TV Car Trivia!" First question, who was the driver of a '73 Firebird? Uh, Otto?
Otto Halliwell (Robert Duvall): Uh, Jim Rockford, "Rockford Files".
Sara "Sway" Wayland (Angelina Jolie): Gimme "Columbo".
Kip (Giovanni Ribisi): A Peugeot convertible.
Donny: What color?
Kip: Gray.
Mirror Man (T.J. Cross): How do you know that?
Kip: 'Cause I love that show.
Mirror Man: Man, I got three words for all of y'all: Get a life!
Freb (James Duval): What's on Magnum P.I.'s license plate?
Tumbler (Scott Caan): "ROBIN-1"
Kip: Wait, wasn't Robin that faggoty guy that always hung with him?
Memphis: Naw, that was Higgins. That was Higgins.
Otto Halliwell: Hey, hey, ten points for our fearless leader. Sway, how about giving us the Bill Bixby trifecta?
Sway: Drove a Corvette in "The Magician", a Ford pickup truck in "The Incredible Hulk", and in "The Courtship of Eddie's Father", he walked.

Memphis: Roger, I have a problem...
Roger the Car Salesman: (Stephen Shellen): Yes?
Memphis: I've been in L.A. for three months now. I have money, I have taste. But I'm not on anybody's "A" list, and Saturday night is the loneliest night for the week for me.
Roger the Car Salesman: Well, a Ferrari would certainly change that.
Memphis: Perhaps, Mmmm. But, you know, this is the one. Yes, yes yes... I saw three of these parked outside the local Starbucks this morning, which tells me only one thing. There's too many self Indulgent wieners in this city with too much bloody money! Now, if I was driving a 1967 275 GTB four cam...
Roger the Car Salesman: You would not be a self-indulgent wiener, sir... You'd be a connoisseur.

Sway: What do you think is more exciting , having sex or boosting cars?
Memphis: How about having sex WHILE boosting cars?

Donny: [shuts car off] Don't touch nothing! You can't negotiate turns. You can't signal properly. You can't maintain speed. You can't parallel park. Hell, you can't drive, honey. Shit, I can't swim, I know I can't. So you know what I do? I stay my black ass out the pool!

Memphis: How did you get this car?
Freb: Boosted her myself.
Memphis: You stole a car that wasn't on the list. Why don't you just go to the police station in a red clown suit and let everybody know what we're doing here?
Donny: How did you get this car?
Freb: Actually, the keys were in it.
Donny: Well, that kinda defies the point.

Kip: Why are people shooting at us?
Memphis: 'Cause I blew up their car!

Det. Roland Castlebeck (Delroy Lindo): GOD!
Drycoff: Man this guy can drive!
Det. Roland Castlebeck: What? WHAT?
Drycoff: It's probably mostly the car...

Memphis (Nicolas Cage): I just stole fifty cars in one night! I'm a little tired, little *wired*, and I think I deserve a little appreciation!

Grand Canyon (1991)

Mack (Kevin Kline): This is difficult stuff. Making a left turn in L.A. is one of the harder things you'll learn in life.

Grand Prix (1966)

Jean-Pierre Sarti (Yves Montand): The danger? Well, of course. But you are missing a very important point. I think if any of us imagined - really imagined - what it would be like to go into a tree at 150 miles per hour we would probably never get into the cars at all, none of us. So it has always seemed to me that to do something very dangerous requires a certain absence of imagination.

Jean-Pierre Sarti: Before you leave I want to tell you something. Not about the others, but about myself. I used to go to pieces. I'd see an accident like that and be so weak inside that I wanted to quit - stop the car and walk away. I could hardly make myself go past it. But I'm older now. When I see something really horrible, I put my foot down. Hard! Because I know that everyone else is lifting his.
Louise Frederickson (Eva Marie Saint): What a terrible way to win.
Jean-Pierre Sarti: No, there is no terrible way to win. There is only winning.

Jeff Jordan (Jack Watson): Let's try to get the season off to a good start. Shall we? Drive the car! Don't try to stand it on its bloody ear!

Nino Barlini (Antonio Sabato): I used to think nothing could be better than motorbike racing. Three times I am a World Champion on my motorbike. I am happy. Then I go into one of these, these cars: you sit in a box, a coffin, gasoline all around you. It is like being inside a bomb! Crazy, but of course the cars are faster, and that is the most important thing.

Agostini Manetta (Adolfo Celi): [Addressing Pete Aron at the Ferrari factory] What means far more to me than anything else is: our good name! Our reputation represents desire for perfection of the highest quality. I gamble that reputation gladly, because I have "absolute" faith in every car that leaves this factory. But I will not risk it on a driver in whom I cannot have an equal faith. There are fewer than thirty men in the world qualified to drive Formula One; a mere half-dozen, perhaps, to win. At this moment, I am inclined to think you are not one of them.

Scott Stoddard (Brian Bedford): Y'know one of the most beautiful things about a car? If it isn't working properly, you can strip the skin off, expose the insides, find out exactly where the trouble is, take out the faulty part and replace it with a new one. If only we could do that with people!

Izo Yamura (Toshirô Mifune): Why do you drive racing cars, or do you not think about it?
Pete Aron (James Garner): Oh, Mr. Yamura, I don't think there's one of us who doesn't ask himself at least once in the middle of a race, "What the hell am I doing here?" Of course, when it's over, we conveniently forget that we asked ourselves that question.... Maybe to do something that brings you so close to the possibility of death and to survive it is to feel life and living so much more intensely.

Grand Theft Auto (1977)

Ace (Clint Howard): [Chasing Rolls Royce through desert] The brakes are gone! Jump!
Sparky (Peter Isacksen): Shiiiit!
Sparky: [Driverless car continues on, disappearing behind large hill] Listen, it stopped...
Ace: Maybe we can fix it.
Sparky: [Car explodes in flames] I think not.

Ace: Sparkey, think you can hotwire this mother?
Sparky: Know the scene, old man, El Keyo and El Ignitionario. I crack myself up when I talk Mexican.

Paula Powers (Nancy Morgan): So, what do you think, where are we on our 50th anniversary?
Sam Freeman (Ron Howard): Right here. I will never leave the car!

Grease (1978)

Danny (John Travolta): You know, if we fix up this car, it could be make-out city, you know that.
Sonny (Michael Tucci): Right, the chick is gonna have to put out before she even gets in

Danny: Why, this car could be systematic, hydromatic, ultramatic. Why, it could be Greased Lightning!

Danny: You can't just walk out of a drive-in.

Leo, Scorpions member (Dennis Stewart): The rules are... there ain't no rules!

Grosse Pointe Blank (1997)

Marty (John Cusack): This your Beamer?
Paul (Jeremy Piven): Yeah.
Marty: In Detroit? That's sacrilege!

The Gumball Rally (1976)

Smith (Tim McIntire): So what is this, a vintage car?
Bannon (Michael Sarrazin): Well Smitty, some things get meaner as they get older.

Bannon: The age of the motor car is over

Franco (Raul Julia): [rips off his rear-view mirror and throws it aside] The first rule of Italian driving. What's-a-behind me, does not-a-matter.

Chopper Pilot (Don Sides): Sir? We can't catch 'em.
Roscoe (Norman Burton): Whaddaya mean?
Chopper Pilot: They must be doing 180. We don't even have a fixed-wing that'll go that fast!

Bannon: Fifty-five is fast enough to kill you, but slow enough to make you think you're safe.

Barney Donahue (J. Pat O'Malley): You know how often my wife tried to get me to get rid of this car? Well that's German machinery for you. The car outlasted her.

Herbie Rides Again (1974)

Grandma Steinmetz (Helen Hayes): Of course I have to humor Herbie. He used to be a famous racing car, but his driver went off to Europe to drive foreign cars, so he's a little sensitive. You can understand that.

High School High (1996)

Richard Clark (Jon Lovitz): Victoria, could you give me a ride home? I seem to have misplaced my car.
Victoria Chapell (Tia Carrere): Oh, don't worry about it. All the teachers lose their car on their first day.

High School U.S.A. (1983)

Archie Feld (Crispin Glover): Chuckie, tell me it's just a couple of scratches. Tell me my father isn't going to kill me.
Chuckie Dipple: The car's totaled, Archie. You're a dead man.
Archie Feld: Oh, no...
Chuckie Dipple: Hey, cheer up. At least we still got the girls... Girls? Girls?

Highway to Hell (1992)

[Making out in a car]
Rachel: Charlie... Charlie, not in a Ford Pinto.
Charlie: Just close your eyes and picture a Porsche.

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (2005)

Vogon Kwaltz (Ian McNeice): Attention, people of Earth. I regret to inform you that in order to make way for the new hyperspace express route, your planet has been scheduled for demolition. Have a nice day.

Hollywood Ending (2002)

Val (Woody Allen): ...driving around his 1938 Vintage Roadster. If someone saw me in a vintage '38, they'd think I was Himmler!

Home Improvement (1991)(TV)

Tim: I'm addicted to cars.
Jill: Well, "duh".
Tim: I'm thinking of checking into the Henry Ford Clinic.


Tim: [Presents classic car] Kids, say hello to your new kid sister.
Randy: It looks old enough to be our grandmother.

Wilson: You know Tim, there's an old folk saying. Obsessions are like fire and water. Good servants, but bad masters. See the point is: do you rule your obsession, or does your obsession rule you?
Tim: I know I get crazy about cars, you know. My car, your car, anybody's car. But it's, it's like Bad Masterson said. You can't get obsessed the way old people drive through water, if their servants are on fire.

Tim: [Driving an 18-wheeler] I love this truck. This is great. 5-speed tranny, 5 tons of big, Detroit diesel, this could be the greatest day of my life. Arr arr arr.
Jill: Tim, you are driving way too fast.
Tim: [to himself] If I were alone, this could be the greatest day of my life.

Brad: [Brad's car has been stolen and stripped] I can't believe this. There's nothing they can do?
Tim: I'm with Brad. Somebody has got to be held accountable for this.
Jill: You heard the officer. There's nothing they can do.
Tim: Maybe there's nothing THEY can do. But there's something *I* can do. I'm the guy who delivered a baby after being crowned Car Guy of the Year in the same night. I'm the guy that built a lawn mower than can do 12 seconds in a 1/4 mile. I'm the guy that put a barbecue grill in orbit, so don't you tell me there's nothing we can do. I'm the Tool Man, I can fix ANYTHING.
Jill: Alright, zip up your fly and let's go.

Tim: The Mustang is in the shop and I'm driving Jill's Nomad. I hate driving her car. I get in there, of course, no gas, hasn't been washed in three months, cookie crumbs on the front seat. Why can't she take care of her car? How simple would it be...
Dolores: Could it be she's a tad busy going to school, raising three kids, and making sure you have a nice house to come home to?
Tim: Could be.

Brad: Do you think maybe if no one tells Mom that I could drive the hot rod?
Tim: Well, I was kind of waiting to surprise you... NO.

Tim: [They're in the car, driving to a wedding] I know where we're going. I know where we are.
Jill: There's a sign. "Adrian, Six Miles". Adrian. Adrian is on 223, we are down and right. We should be up and left. We have gone way out of the way.
Tim: Thank you, Rand McNally. And we're only an inch or so off.
Jill: I see, so when we hit Ecuador, you'll say we're off by about a foot and a half?

Tim: By the time I stop and ask for directions, we're going to be there. Watch the map; you're folding it wrong.
Jill: Who died and made you the map police?
Tim: The next sign we see will be North Adams. Right there, what does that sign say?
Jill: "Welcome to Ohio".
Tim: Um... We won't be needing that Michigan map, will we?
Jill: If we hit Kentucky, I am filing for a divorce.
Tim: Alright, I'll pull it over.

Tim: I really was sure that I knew where I was going. I sensed it, you know.
Wilson: Men navigate by instincts and women navigate by landmarks.
Tim: Yeah, she kept talking about some huge man with a donut.
Wilson: That's the sign for Bill's Big Bun Bonanza.

Wilson: Tim, don't sell your stupid instincts short. Do you realize that people have a tiny compass in their nose?
Tim: I was never aware of that. No.
Wilson: Yes, people have a tiny iron deposit in their nose. And that gives them directions to magnetic north and since men have more iron in their bodies than women, it only follows that they would make a better compass.
Tim: Then how come I couldn't find the wedding?
Wilson: Well, Tim, a map is a little more acurate than your nose. It's also a heck of a lot easier to fold.
Tim: [Later; to Jill] I just got all disoriented, even though my nose is filled with iron boogers.

The Colonel: '61 was a vintage year. You should have bought one of those Lincolns when they first came out.
Tim: I would've sir, but I was six.
The Colonel: That's no excuse.

The Colonel: And then, who should grab my shoulder but General Douglas MacArthur.
Mark: Who?
The Colonel: Your father never told you about General MacArthur?
Mark: No, but he told me about General Motors.

Tim: [Upon seeing Jill's new car] It's British.
Jill: It's a 1967 Austin Healy.
Tim: I know what the heck it is. I don't know anything about British cars.
Jill: That was a big selling point.
Tim: These things require constant attention, honey.
Jill: I know. I was thinking I could learn about the car and maybe do some of the work myself.
[Tim bursts out laughing]
Tim: [Upset over Jill's new car] It's a shocker. I don't know what to say.
Jill: How about saying that you're really happy that I got the car I wanted?
Tim: Alright, I... I'm... IT'S BRITISH. These people made a fighter plane out of wood. They put kidneys in pies for God's sakes.

Hope Island (1999)

Brian Brewster: [three men drooling over a car] The girl of my dreams. A 1958 El Dorado convertible. I've wanted one of these since I was 10 years old.
Daniel Cooper: Did your dad have one?
Brian Brewster: No. Next door neighbor Elmo Sapp. I dreamed one day that'd be me.
Nub Flanders: You dreamed you'd be Elmo Sapp?


Hot Cars (1956)

Nick Dunn (John Bromfield): She is like a hardtop convertible.

Hudson Hawk (1991)

Hudson Hawk (Bruce Willis): How's my driving? 1-800-I'm-gonna-f**kin'-die!

I'm Gonna Git You Sucka (1988)

Car door alarm: Your door is ajar... please close the door... please close the door... I SAID CLOSE THE DOOR, D**KHEAD!

I, Robot (2004)

NS5 Robot: [Jumps on car and tries to steer car out of control] You are experiencing a car accident.
Detective Del Spooner (Will Smith): Like hell I am.

Susan Calvin (Bridget Moynahan): [about Spooner's motorcycle] This doesn't run on gas, does it? Gas explodes, you know.

Dr. Alfred Lanning (James Cromwell): [voiceover] There have always been ghosts in the machine. Random segments of code, that have grouped together to form unexpected protocols. Unanticipated, these free radicals engender questions of free will. Creativity. And even the nature of what we might call the soul. Why is it that when some robots are left in darkness, they will seek out the light? Why is it that when robots are stored in an empty space, they will group together, rather
than stand alone? How do we explain this behavior? Random segments of code? Or is it something more? When does a perceptual schematic become consciousness? When does a difference engine become the search for truth? When does a personality simulation become the bitter mote... of a soul?

Inspector Gadget (1999)

Gadgetmobile: Better buckle up, Penny. This car's only got two speeds: "Fast" and "WOW! What Was That?"

Inspector Gadget (Matthew Broderick): I owe you one Scolex. You wrecked my car, and I really liked that car.
Dr. Claw (Rupert Everett): Well, you crushed my hand and I really liked that hand. So Go-Go get over it!

Interceptors (1999)

Lt. Sean Lambert (Olivier Gruner): Hey Perez!
Jose Perez: Yeah?
Lt. Sean Lambert (Mark Adair-Rios): Do you know how to hot-wire a car?
Jose Perez: Right, you need to hot-wire a car, so you ask the mexican-american guy, huh?
Lt. Sean Lambert: Look, I grew up in France, right?
Jose Perez: Yeah.
Lt. Sean Lambert: So if you ask me any questions about wine and cheese, I don't think I would be offended.

It Happened One Night (1934)

Clark Gable: Why didn't you take all your clothes off? You could have stopped 40 cars.

The Italian Job (1969)

Charlie Croker (Michael Caine): Just remember this - in this country they drive on the wrong side of the road.

Charlie Croker: This car belongs to the Pakistani ambassador!
Lorna (Margaret Blye): It does?
Charlie Croker: Typical, isn't it? I've been out of jail five minutes, and already I'm in a hot car.
Lorna: Charlie, I just wanted you to come out in style, baby.

The Italian Job (2003)

Charlie Croker (Mark Wahlberg): Handsome Rob. Premier wheel man. Once drove all the way from Los Angeles just so he could set the record for longest freeway chase. You know he got 110 love letters sent to his jail cell from women who saw him on the news?

Handsome Rob (Jason Statham): It's either bad traffic, peak traffic, slit-your-wrist traffic... you've got an average of 32 minutes and a top time of 50. But if we had green lights all the way, we could do it in 14 minutes.

It's a Wonderful World (1939)

Claudette Colbert: Are you keeping the car?
James Stewart: Yeah, for good luck.

Jersey Girl (1992)

Toby (Jami Gertz): I just think we got off on the wrong foot is all.
Sal (Dylan McDermott): The wrong foot? You wrecked my car. We got off on a really, really bad foot.

Joe Dirt (2001)

Joe Dirt (David Spade): Well today I'm gonna be picking up my Hemi Roadrunner that's right I said Hemi
Carnival Girl: Wow. A Hemi. Balls to the Wall.
Joe Dirt: Yep, left it at a friends house, [under his breath] actually it got towed away two years ago, [loud again], but I'm picking it up this afternoon. I might need a pretty little lady to sit in the front seat while I break her in. The car I mean. So what do you say.
Carnival Girl: That's the big ten four

The Last Race (2002)

Rob (Stephen Sullivan): What'd you say? What'd you just say.
Arman (Luis Villalta): I said your car is slow, and your girlfriend is a stuck up little bitch.
Paul (Chris Chee): HEY. His car's not slow.

Arman: What's this I hear? I thought you were gonna step up?
Rob: Some other night.
Arman: What's the matter? I bring you some tight competition and now you're pissin' your panties?
Rob: You thought Jason's car was fast. Why would I wanna waste my time with your white-trash Ferrari?
Arman: Ouch. That Civic ain't shit and you know it. Shut up. My 'stang is pushin' over 400 horses. There's no way I'll lose blondie.
Rob: I take you down tonight. I take you down tomorrow night. What's the difference?
Arman: I am only here tonight. Why don't you wanna race?
Rob: I got my reasons.
Arman: Hey sweetie, can you give his balls back just for tonight?

The Last Run (1971)

Paul Rickard (Tony Musante): I never called anything a her in my life. It, a car is an it.
Harry Garmes (George C. Scott): With you, Rickard, everything is an it.

Monique (Colleen Dewhurst): You are driving again for criminals.
Harry Garmes: I'm driving again for me... Because I'm getting ready to die sitting down here. I'm driving again... to see if my nerves and my brain are still connected.

Leave It to Beaver (1957)

Wally Cleaver: Gee Dad, how come you know so much about buying cars?
Ward Cleaver: Well, Wally, as unbelievable as it may seem they did have cars in my younger days.
Wally Cleaver: Used cars?

Lethal Weapon 2 (1989)

[after a wild car chase, the car looks like a wreck]
Roger Murtaugh (Danny Glover):
This was a new car, Riggs...
Martin Riggs (Mel Gibson): Well, it still is!

Liar Liar (1997)

Cop (Tony Carreiro): You know why I pulled you over?
Fletcher (Jim Carrey): Depends on how long you were following me!
Cop: Why don't we just take it from the top?
Fletcher: Here goes: I sped. I followed too closely. I ran a stop sign. I almost hit a Chevy. I sped some more. I failed to yield at a crosswalk. I changed lanes at the intersection. I changed lanes without signaling while running a red light and "speeding"!
Cop: Is that all?
Fletcher: No... I have unpaid parking tickets. [groans] ... be gentle.

Fletcher: You scratched my car!
Motorpool Guy: Where?
Fletcher: [indicating with his hands] Right there!
Motorpool Guy: OH... That was already there.
Fletcher: You - -LIAR! You know what I am going to do about this?
Motorpool Guy: What?
Fletcher: Nothing! Because if I take it to small claims court, it will just drain 8 hours out of my life and you probably won't show up and even if I got the judgment you'd just stiff me anyway; so what I am going to do is piss and moan like an impotent jerk, and then bend over and take it up the tailpipe!
Motorpool Guy: [tossing the keys to Fletcher] You've been here before haven't ya?

License to Drive (1988).

Les (Corey Haim): An innocent girl, a harmless driver. What could possibly go wrong?

Dean (Corey Feldman): Could you take the car out of neutral? We just got passed by a street sweeper.

Dean: Les, that license in your wallet, that's not an ordinary piece of paper, that is a driver's license, and its not only a driver's license, it's an automobile license, and it's not only an automobile license, it's a license to live, a license to be free, a license to go wherever, whenever and with whomever you choose.

Dean: Natalie! I was wondering, if you were driving 55 miles per hour and you collided with a runaway train, would it make ANY improvement on your face?

Les' DMV Examiner (James Avery): Buckle up Sonny, it's the real world out here!

Miss Hellberg (Helen Hanft): Well Mr Anderson, we were able to retrieve your test results from the computer. And as I suppose you already know, you failed! God Giveth! And the DMV take this away! We can make your life a living hell!

Les: Not too bad for a kid without his license, huh?

Lights of New York (1928)

Wheeler Oakman: Take him for a ride!

Live and Let Die (1973)

State Trooper: That look like a boat stuck in the Sheriff's car there, Eddie?
Eddie (Lance Gordon): Boy, where you been all your life? That there's one of them new car-boats.
Sheriff J.W. Pepper (Clifton James): By the powers invested in me by this parish, I hereby do commandeer this vehicle and all those persons within. [spits and looks at Eddie] And that means you, smartass.

Sheriff J.W. Pepper: You picked the WRONG parish to haul ass through BOY! NOBODY cuts and runs on Sheriff J.W. PEPPER! And it's him who's speakin' by the by.

Lost Highway (1997)

Mr. Eddy (Robert Loggia): Six f**kin' car lengths. That's a hundred and six f**kin' feet, mister. If I had to stop suddenly, you woulda hit me. I want you to get a f**kin' driver's manual, and I want you to study that motherf**ker. And I want you to obey the the goddamn rules. Fifty-f**kin' thousand people were killed on the highway last year 'cause of f**kin' assholes like you. Tell me you're gonna get a manual.

Mr. Eddy: This is where mechanical excellence and one-thousand four-hundred horsepower pays off.

The Love Bug (1968)

Jim Douglas (Dean Jones): Without a real car, I'm only half a man.

Jim Douglas: Where's the beast? You didn't cut up the Edsel! [The Edsel grill is hanging on a rack with many cut up car parts]
Tennessee Steinmetz (Buddy Hackett):
Came over me all of a sudden. Seemed like the only decent thing do. Don't worry, Jim, it'll be happier up there.

Jim Douglas: What do you know? The engine stalled.
Carole (Michele Lee): [tries to get out] How about that? The door's stuck. That's how it is with cars sometimes. I guess we'll have to wait and see what happens next.
Jim Douglas: Well, as someone very wisely once said, "That's how it is with cars sometimes."

Mad Max (1979)

Max (Mel Gibson): I'm scared, Fif. It's that rat circus out there, I'm beginning to enjoy it. Look, any longer out on that road and I'm one of them, a terminal psychotic, except that I've got this bronze badge that says that I'm one of the good guys.

Nightrider (Vincent Gil): I am the Nightrider. I'm a fuel injected suicide machine. I am the rocker, I am the roller, I am the out-of-controller!

Grease Rat (Nick Lathouris): Like the sign says, "speed's just a question of money. How fast can you go?"

Kid: Hey Mister! What happened to the car?
Bubba Zanetti (Geoff Parry): What do you think happened?
Kid: Looks like it's been chewed up and spat out.
Bubba Zanetti: Perhaps it was a result of anxiety.

Barry, MFP Garage Mechanic: [describing the customized pursuit car's supercharged engine] She's meanness put to music and the b**ch is born to run!

Mad Max 2 (1981)

Max: I'm just here for the gasoline.

Max: If it's all the same to you... I'll drive that tanker.
Pappagallo (Michael Preston): The offer is closed. Too late for deals.
Max: No deals. I want to drive that truck.

Mechanic: The last of the V8 Interceptors. [Picks up the booby trap he just removed] Would've been a shame to blow it up.

M*A*S*H" (1972)

Hawkeye: What a unique device, the human tush. An architectural wonder, one of a kind... actually two of a kind. Designed to support our weight for a lifetime of sitting it also has the subtlety to do the samba. And when attached to certain members of the female species at a time when light summer dresses are worn can cause some of us to drive our cars straight up a lamppost.

The Miracle of Morgan's Creek (1944)

Eddie Bracken: What have you been using on my car? A pick ax?

Mission Impossible (1996)

Sean Skelton: Hey, man. You just f**ked up your Ferrari!

Motor Mania (1950)

Mr. Wheeler: [revving engine at traffic signal] So, you wanna race, do ya? Well, you're not gonna get ahead of meeee!

My Blue Heaven (1990)

Hannah Stubbs (Joan Cusack): And where did you learn to jump start a car? Vincent.
'Vinnie' Antonelli (Steve Martin):
I had to learn to jump start ambulances, to get invalids to the dialysis machines.

My Cousin Vinny (1992)

Vinny Gambini (Joe Pesci): It's a procedure. Like rebuilding a carburetor has a procedure. You know, when you rebuild a carburetor, the first thing you do is you take the carburetor off the manifold? Supposing you skip the first step, and while you're replacing one of the jets, you accidentally drop the jet, it goes down the carburetor, rolls along the manifold, and goes into the head. You're fucked. You just learned the hard way that you gotta remove the carburetor first, right? So that's all that happened to me today. I learned the hard way. Actually, it was a good learning experience for me.

D.A. Jim Trotter (Lane Smith): Now, Ms. Vito, being an expert on general automotive knowledge, can you tell me... what would the correct ignition timing be on a 1955 Bel Air Chevrolet, with a 327 cubic inch engine and a four-barrel carburetor?
Mona Lisa Vito (Marisa Tomei):
That's a bullshit question.
D.A. Jim Trotter:
Does that mean that you can't answer it?
Mona Lisa Vito:
It's a bullshit question, it's impossible to answer.
D.A. Jim Trotter:
Impossible because you don't know the answer!
Mona Lisa Vito:
Nobody could answer that question!
D.A. Jim Trotter:
Your Honor, I move to disqualify Ms. Vito as an expert witness!
Judge Chamberlain Haller (Fred Gwynne):
Can you answer the question?
Mona Lisa Vito:
No, it is a trick question!
Judge Chamberlain Haller:
Why is it a trick question?
Vinny Gambini:
[to Bill] Watch this.
Mona Lisa Vito:
'Cause Chevy didn't make a 327 in '55, the 327 didn't come out till '63. And it wasn't offered in the Bel Air with a four-barrel carb till '64. However, in 1964, the correct ignition timing would be four degrees before top-dead-center.
D.A. Jim Trotter:
Well... uh... she's acceptable, Your Honor.

Vinny Gambini: Ms. Vito, it has been argued by me, the defense, that two sets of guys met up at the Sac O-Suds, at the same time, driving identical metallic mint green 1964 Buick Skylark convertibles. Now, can you tell us by what you see in this picture, if the defense's case holds water?
[Lisa examines the picture]
Vinny Gambini:
Ms. Vito, please answer the question: does the defense's case hold water?
Mona Lisa Vito:
No! The defense is wrong!
Vinny Gambini:
Are you sure?
Mona Lisa Vito:
I'm positive.
Vinny Gambini:
How could you be so sure?
Mona Lisa Vito:
Because there is no way that these tire marks were made by a '64 Buick Skylark convertible. These marks were made by a 1963 Pontiac Tempest.
D.A. Jim Trotter:
Objection, Your Honor! Can we clarify to the court whether the witness is stating opinion or fact?
Judge Chamberlain Haller:
This is your opinion?
Mona Lisa Vito:
It's a fact!
Vinny Gambini:
I find it hard to believe that this kind of information could be ascertained simply by looking at a picture!
Mona Lisa Vito:
Would you like me to explain?
Vinny Gambini:
I would love to hear this!
Judge Chamberlain Haller:
So would I.
Mona Lisa Vito:
The car that made these two, equal-length tire marks had positraction. You can't make these marks without positraction, which was not available on the '64 Buick Skylark!
Vinny Gambini:
And why not? What is positraction?
Mona Lisa Vito:
It's a limited slip differential which distributes power equally to both the right and left tires. The '64 Skylark had a regular differential, which, anyone who's been stuck in the mud in Alabama knows, you step on the gas, one tire spins, the other tire does nothing. [the jury members nod, with murmurs of "yes," "that's right," etc]
Vinny Gambini: Is that it?
Mona Lisa Vito:
No, there's more! You see where the left tire mark goes up on the curb and the right tire mark stays flat and even? Well, the '64 Skylark had a solid rear axle, so when the left tire would go up on the curb, the right tire would tilt out and ride along its edge. But that didn't happen here. The tire mark had an independent rear suspension. Now, in the '60's, there were only two other cars made in America that had positraction, and independent rear suspension, and enough power to make these marks. One was the Corvette, which could never be confused with the Buick Skylark. The other had the same body length, height, weight, wheel base, and wheel track as the '64 Skylark, and that was the 1963 Pontiac Tempest.
Vinny Gambini:
And because both cars were made by GM, were both cars available in metallic mint green paint?
Mona Lisa Vito:
They were!
Vinny Gambini:
Thank you, Ms. Vito. No more questions. Thank you very much. [kissing her hands]. You've been a lovely, lovely witness.

The Naked Gun 2 1/2: The Smell of Fear (1991)

Hector Savage (Anthony James): [in a house surrounded by police, making demands] I want a car out front, something fun, a Porsche, then I want a plane ticket to Jamaica... And I want a nice hotel, no touristy place... Something really indicative of the people and their culture.

Commissioner Anabell Brumford (Jacqueline Brookes): I would like now to introduce a most distinguished gentleman. This week he is being honored for his one 1000th drug dealer killed. Ladies and gentleman please welcome Lt. Frank Drebin of Police Squad.
Lt. Frank Drebin (Leslie Nielsen): In all honesty the last two I backed over with my car. Luckily they turned out to be drug dealers.

The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad! (1988)

Lt. Frank Drebin: Jane, since I've met you I've noticed things that I never knew were there before; birds singing, dew glistening on a newly formed leaf, stoplights.

Driving instructor (John Houseman): Stephanie, calmly extend your right arm. Extend your middle finger. Well done.

National Lampoon's Vacation (1983)

Chevy Chase: This is not the car I ordered! I distinctly ordered the Antarctic blue super sports wagon, with the C.B. and the optional rally fun pack!

No Looking Back (1998)

Kid: Hey, nice car.
Michael (Jon Bon Jovi): Yeah, keep your hands off of it you scumbags.

No Man's Land (1987)

Charlie Sheen: I only steal Porsches. . .

Nobody's Fool (1994)

Paul Newman: This is where a smart guy'd get out of the truck.

Northfork (2003)

Marvin (Graham Beckel): This country is divided into two types of people. Ford People and Chevy People.

Nothing But Trouble (1991)

Chris Thorne (Chevy Chase): Death for running a stop sign?
J.P. (Dan Aykroyd): And for being a banker. That's the double death.

Fausto (Taylor Negron): You've got a BMW. Act like it!

J.P.: If it's an ambulance you got a chance, if it's in a hearse, it's gotta be worse!

Chris Thorne: 110 blocks in less than 15 minutes, not bad for a one-eyed Russian immigrant.

Fausto: Where are we going?
Chris Thorne: We're going to Atlantic City. Get in the trunk.

Ocean's Eleven (1960)

Danny Ocean (Frank Sinatra): Why waste those cute little tricks that the Army taught us just because it's sort of peaceful now.

Jimmy Foster (Peter Lawford): I made a cardinal rule: never to answer the 'phone in December.
Massuese: That's crazy. Why?
Jimmy Foster: Because one December, every time I picked up the 'phone they sent me out into the snow to play with my friends. That was at the Bulge.

Ocean's Eleven (2001)

Danny (George Clooney): Thirteen million and you drive this piece of shit cross country to pick me up?
Rusty (Brad Pitt): Blew it all on the suit.

Octopussy (1983)

James Bond (Roger Moore): We've got company.
Vijay: No problem, this is a company car.

Old School (2003)

Mitch (Luke Wilson): Sorry, your seatbelt seems to be broken. What do you recommend I do?
Cab Driver (Stuart Cornfeld): I recommend you stop being such a faggot. You're in the backseat.

Marissa (Perrey Reeves): That's really, loud.
Frank (Will Ferrell): Yeah, thanks. Took the restrictor plate off to give the Red Dragon some juice. But it ain't exactly street legal so keep it on the down low.

Peggy Sue Got Married (1986)

Michael: So are you going to marry Mr. Blue Impala and graze around with all the other sheep for the rest of your life?
Peggy Sue: No... I already did that.

Planes, Trains & Automobiles (1987)

Car Rental Agent (Edie McClurg): How may I help you?
Neal (Steve Martin): You can start by wiping that f**king dumbass smile off your rosy f**king cheeks! Then you can give me a f**king automobile: a f**king Datsun, a f**king Toyota, a f**king Mustang, a f**king Buick! Four f**king wheels and a seat!
Car Rental Agent: I really don't care for the way you're speaking to me.
Neal: And I really don't care for the way your company left me in the middle of f**king nowhere with f**king keys to a f**king car that isn't f**king there.And I really didn't care to f**king walk down a f**king highway and across a f**king runway to get back here to have you smile at my f**king face. I want a f**king car RIGHT F**KING NOW!
Car Rental Agent: May I see your rental agreement.
Neal: I threw it away.
Car Rental Agent: Oh boy.
Neal: Oh boy what?
Car Rental Agent: You're fucked!

Neal: How am I supposed to go with the flow when the rental car agency leaves me in a 100 acre parking lot with keys to a car that isn't there then I have to hike back 3 miles to find out they don't have any more cars?

[another driver is trying to alert them that they're driving on the wrong side of the highway]
Neal: He says we're going the wrong way...
Del (John Candy): Oh, he's drunk. How would he know where we're going?

State Trooper (Michael McKean): What the hell are you driving here?
Del: We had a small fire last night, but we caught it in the nick of time.
State Trooper: Do you have any idea how fast you were going?
Del: Funny enough, I was just talking to my friend about that. Our speedometer has melted and as a result it's very hard to see with any degree of accuracy exactly how fast we were going.

Point Break (1991)

Bodhi (Patrick Swayze): That's, ahh... that's a surfboard all right! Looks like a '57 Chevy I used to have.

Poison Ivy (1992)

Drew Barrymore: I hope that when I die, I'll have had a sports car, a family, and a home. One day with the top down is better than a lifetime in a box.

Polyester (1981)

Todd Tomorrow (Tab Hunter): I got somethin' to show ya, Francine! It's long. And it's sleek. And it's powerful. It's mah new 'vette!

Powwow Highway (1989)

Jane Red Bow (Chrissie McDonald): We shoulda rented a car.
Philbert Bono (Gary Farmer): We have my pony.
Jane Red Bow: Your pony is an old nag.

Pulp Fiction (1994)

The Wolf (Harvey Keitel): That gives us exactly... forty minutes to get the f*ck out of Dodge. Which, if you do what I say when I say it, should be plenty. Now, you've got a corpse in a car, minus a head, in a garage. Take me to it.

The Wolf: Now boys, listen up. We're going to a place called Monster Joe's Truck and Tow. I'll drive the tainted car. Jules, you ride with me. Vincent, you follow in my Acura. We run across the path of any John Q. Laws, nobody does a f*cking thing unless I do it first. What did I just say?
Jules (Samuel L. Jackson): Nobody does a f*cking thing unless.
The Wolf: Unless what?
Jules: Unless you do it first.
The Wolf: Spoken like a true prodigy. How about you, Lash LaRue? Can you keep your spurs from jingling and jangling?
Vincent (John Travolta): Look, Mr. Wolf, my gun went off, I don't know why, and now you're helping us out of the situation. I'm cool with it, all right?
The Wolf: Fair enough. Now I drive real fucking fast, so keep up. I get my car back any differently that when I gave it, Monster Joe's gonna be disposing of two bodies.

Fabienne (Maria de Medeiros): Where's my Honda?
Butch (Bruce Willis): Sorry baby but I had to crash that Honda.
Fabienne: Whose motorcycle is this?
Butch: It's a chopper, baby.
Fabienne: Whose chopper is this?
Butch: It's Zed's.
Fabienne: Who's Zed?
Butch: Zed's dead, baby. Zed's dead.

Vincent: I got a threshold, Jules. I got a threshold for the abuse I'll take. And right now I'm a race car and you got me in the red. I'm just saying that it's f*ckin' dangerous to have a racecar in the f*ckin' red. It could blow.

Lance: Still got your Malibu?
Vincent: Aw, man. You know what some f**ker did the other day?
Lance: What?
Vincent: F**king keyed it.
Lance: Oh, man, that's f**ked up.
Vincent: Tell me about it. I had it in storage for three years, it was out for five days and some dickless piece of shit f**ked with it.
Lance: They should be f**king killed. No trial, no jury, straight to execution.
Vincent: Boy, I wish I could've caught him doing it. I'd have given anything to catch that a**hole doing it. It'd been worth him doing it just so I could've caught him doing it.
Lance: What a f**ker!
Vincent: What's more chickenshit than f**king with a man's automobile? I mean, don't f**k with another man's vehicle.
Lance: You don't do it.
Vincent: It's just against the rules.

Rain Man (1988)

[Raymond has jumped in the car with Susanna]
Charlie (Tom Cruise): Hey, who is this guy?
Susanna (Valeria Golino): He just jumped in the car.
Charlie: Yeah well he can jump out. Come on!
Raymond (Dustin Hoffman): I'm an excellent driver.
Charlie: That's good. Come on! Susanna, why'd you let him get in this car? It's not a toy.
Susanna: He says he drives this car.
Raymond: Dad let's me drive slow on the driveway every Saturday. 'Course the seats were originally brown leather now they're a pitiful red.
Charlie: [surprised] Hey, these seats were brown leather. You know this car?
Raymond: I know this car.
Charlie: How do you know this car?
Raymond: It's a 1949 Buick Roadmaster. Straight 8. Fireball 8. Only 8,985 production models. Dad let's me drive slow on the driveway. But not on Monday, definitely not on Monday.

Raymond: I'm an excellent driver.
Charlie: When did you drive?
Raymond: I drove slow on the driveway when my dad came to Walbrook.
Charlie: Was Dad in the car?
Raymond: Yeah.
Charlie: I'll have to let you drive sometime.
[Raymond grabs the wheel and nearly steers them into an oncoming car]
Charlie: Raymond, you NEVER! NEVER touch the steering wheel when I'm driving. Do you hear me? Do you hear me?

Charlie: I'll tell you a story about my father, that car in the garage, was off limits to me. He said it was a classic, it demands respect. One day, I'm a sophomore in high school, I bring home a report card, it's almost all A's so I go to the old man, ask him if I can take the car out as sort of a victory drive. He says no. So I stole the keys and snuck it out.
Susanna: You took the car with no permission? Why?
Charlie: Because I deserved it! Nothing I did was ever good enough for this guy. Don't you understand, We're on Columbia Parkway, four kids, and we get pulled over.
Susanna: Accident? What is pulled over?
Charlie: You know, siren, police. Can I finish? Okay so we're taken to jail. The other kids' fathers bail them out, mine left me there for two days.
Susanna: He left you in prison for two days? Were you scared?
Charlie: Yeah.

Charlie: Now casinos have house rules: they don't like to lose. So you never show that you're counting cards. That is *the* cardinal sin, Ray.
Raymond: Counting cards is bad.
Charlie: Yes.
Raymond: I like to drive slow on the driveway.
Charlie: If you get this right, Ray, you can drive anywhere you want as slow as you want.

Charlie: What's it going to be Ray? What's it going to be?
Raymond: This is a very dangerous highway.
Charlie: How am I going to get to LA?
Raymond: Course driving your car on this interstate is very dangerous.
Charlie: You want to get off the highway will that make you happy?
Raymond: Yeah.
Charlie: Yeah, well you gotta GET IN THE CAR SO THAT WE CAN GET OFF THE HIGHWAY!
Raymond: Course in 1986 46,400 male drivers were definitely involved in fatal accidents.

Rat Race (2001)

Randy Pear (Jon Lovitz): Are you insane? This is Hitler's car.

Randy Pear: Jason, put that away, you can't play that.
Jason Pear (Brody Smith): Why not?
Randy Pear: Because it's Hitler's harmonica. You can't play Hitler's harmonica.
Jason Pear: You're driving his car!
Randy Pear: Yeah, but I'm not putting my mouth on it. I'm not sucking on the dashboard. I'm not getting his germs!

Red Green Show, The (1991)

Red Green: I was in a war. Oh yeah, the big one: the Gasoline Price War of '69. I had lied about my age so I could get a job pumping gas at a Lloyd's Texaco. Then all "shell" broke loose. The Dutchman dropped his price by a nickel. We had to fight back, so we took the big hit and dropped our price down six cents. The war was on. Why, we started handing out hot dogs and balloons just to keep the customers. By the end of August, the entire station was under siege: people parking their cars outside, firing off their horns, screaming for free tumblers and nobody to hold them off except me and one-legged Lloyd. But we did it, and we won, and it made a man out of me. And I guess that explains the stain on my pants.

Red Heat (1988)

Ivan Danko (Arnold Schwarzenegger): I have car under control.
Art Ridzik (James Belushi): Yeah, I'm sure they taught you all about cars and the price of insurance at your famous Russian school in Kiev!
Ivan Danko: In socialist countries, insurance not necessary. State pays for everything.

Art Ridzik: You know this game? It's called chicken, except you're not supposed to play it with buses.

Reindeer Games (2000)

Rudy Duncan (Ben Affleck): Rule one! Never put a car thief behind the wheel!

Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins (1985)

New York City traffic cop (Davenia McFadden): Excuse me. What are you doin' to that boy?
Remo Williams (Fred Ward): [Banging guy's head against steering wheel] Oh, uh, unnecessary use of the horn, officer.
Cop: Well, It'll be unnecessary use of my nightstick on your thick skull if you don't let him go.
Remo Williams: Whatever happened to police courtesy and that kind of stuff, huh?
Cop: We save that bull-shit for the upper east side.

Repo Man (1984)

Lite (Sy Richardson): Put your seatbelt on, boy. I don't ride with anybody 'less they wear their seatbelt. It's one of my rules.

[Regarding tree-shaped air fresheners]
Miller (Tracey Walter): Find one in every car. You'll see.

Bud (Harry Dean Stanton): A repo man spends his life getting into tense situations.

Miller: The life of a repo man is always intense.

Miller: The more you drive, the less intelligent you are.

Bud: It helps if you dress like a detective. Detective dress kinda square. If you look like a detective people are gonna think you're packing something.
Otto (Emilio Estevez): Are you?
Bud: Am I what?
Otto: Packing something?
Bud: Only an asshole gets killed for a car.

Motorcycle Cop: Whatcha got in the trunk?
J. Frank Parnell (Fox Harris): Oh... You don't wanna look in there.

Oly (Tom Finnegan): Oh, yeah, you're f**kin' A we ripped your car, asshole. You want to know who told us where it was? Your god-damned brother.

Otto: I ain't gonna be no repo man. No way.
Marlene (Vonetta McGee): It's too late. [hands him $25]. You already are.

Bud: Repo Man's got all night, every night.

Miner (Jon St. Elwood): You gonna give me my car, or do I gotta go to your house and shove your dog's head down the toilet?

The Return of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1994)

Heather (Lisa Marie Newmyer): Wait, wait, wait, I just thought of something so cool. What if we got into a wreck and we crashed into a car in front of us and we all died. They could write a song about it!

Rich in Love (1993)

Albert Finney: A man without a driver's license is a miserable creature.

Risky Business (1983)

Joel Goodson (Tom Cruise): Porsche. There is no substitute.
Miles (Curtis Armstrong): F**k you.

Porsche Dealer Service Manager: Who's the U-Boat Commander?

Roadracers (1994) (TV)

Sarge (William Sadler): Hey, now you pay attention to something here. These kids ain't the same anymore. And you know what's behind it all? Rock 'n' roll. That music is turning the kids into a bunch of sex hungry, beer drinking, road racing werewolves.

Road Trip (2000)

E.L. (Seann William Scott): Hey, it's 10 feet. Bob Hope could jump this in his golf cart. See, watch, I can spit across it.

Rubin (Paulo Costanzo): I just said we'd make it across. I didn't say anything about the wheels staying on.

Rubin: This is sort of an unusual question, but do you have any marijuana I might be able to buy from you? Our car exploded last night and I'm practically all out of my own.

Rubin: It's supposed to be a challenge, it's a shortcut! If it were easy it would just be the way.

RoboCop (1987)

Commercial Voice-Over: It's back! Big is back, because bigger is better than ever! 6000 SUX: An American Tradition! (8.7 MPG).

[Ron Miller is holding City Hall hostage to get an old job back. Lt. Hedgecock is negotiating from outside with a bullhorn]
Lt Hedgecock (Michael Gregory): What kind of car do you want?
Miller (Mark Carlton): Something with reclining leather seats, that goes really fast, and gets really shitty gas mileage!
Lt Hedgecock: How about a 6000 SUX? [a crack on the Pontiac 6000].
Miller: Yeah!
Lt Hedgecock: Hey, no problem, Miller. Let the Mayor go, we'll even throw in a Blaupunkt.

RoboCop 3 (1993)

Robocop: I must commandeer your vehicle.
Pimp: Man, what is your problem, sucker? [Turns around and gapes at Robocop holding a gun]. I mean, Officer.

Rock & Rule (1983)

Dizzy (Dan Hennessey): Nuke York's only three days away.
Stretch and Zip (Greg Duffell): Gonna take us six days. We only got half a car left.

Stretch and Zip: Oh NO! This is my car! My wheels! My VOLTAGE WAGON!

Scream (1996)

Courteney Cox: Get off my f**king windshield!

Shaun of the Dead (2004)

Ed (Nick Frost): Oh! Hello! Who's a pretty boy, then? [Wolf Whistle] You didn't tell me Barbara had a Jag. I've always wanted to drive one of those.
Shaun (Simon Pegg): Yeah, well, it's Phillip's, okay? He won't let anybody near it. Honestly, I put off a Mars bar in the glove box once and he chased me around the garden with a bit of wood.
Ed: F**k. It's gorgeous.

Shaun: All right, I've got a car outside, but it's going to be a bit cramped, so has anyone got transport?
David (Dylan Moran): I don't see the point of owning a car in London.
Shaun: [Shaun gives David an irritated look] Ok, anybody else?
Dianne (Lucy Davis): Yes, yes.
Shaun: Great, where?
Dianne: Oh & no, well I passed my test.

She's All That (1999)

Girl #2: My soul is an island, my car is a Ford.

Sin City (2005)

Marv (Mickey Rourke): Modern cars - they all look like electric shavers.

Gail (Rosario Dawson): [to the Oldtown Girls] We'll fight the cops, the mob, and anybody else who tries to move in on us. We'll go to war.
Dwight (Clive Owen): Don't be stupid, Gail. Get me a car.
Gail: Who do you think you are? You got what you wanted out of us. [Gail puts the gun to his face] You got what you wanted out of me.
Dwight: If I don't make it back, you can have your war. [Dwight and Gail kiss].
Dwight: [to Miho] get me a hardtop with a decent engine and make sure it's got a big trunk. [to Gail] I love you baby.
Gail: Always and never.

Six-String Samurai (1998)

The Kid (Justin McGuire): A '56 Chevy Belair could kick a '48 Buick Roadmaster's ass any day, at least in a first quarter mile that is.
Buddy (Jeffrey Falcon): You come all this way out saying squat and now your trying to tell me that a '56 Chevy could beat a '48 Buick in a dead quarter mile? I liked you better when you weren't saying squat kid... Go to bed.

Small Time Crooks (2000)

Ray (Woody Allen): Ever heard of the Polish carpool? Every day they meet at work.

Smokey and the Bandit (1977)

Cledus Snow (Jerry Reed): Atlanta to Texarkana and back in twenty eight hours? That ain't never been done before.
Bandit (Burt Reynolds): That's cause "we" ain't never done it.
Cledus Snow: Suppose we don't make it?
Bandit: Hey, we ain't never not made it before, have we?

Bandit: I'm goin' to need a fast car.
[Watches as Little Enos begins counting out money]
Bandit: Faster than that.

Bandit: What do you think they do for excitement in this town?
Cledus Snow: Probably sit around and watch the cars rust.

Bandit: You must be in a hell of a hurry, huh, Sheriff?
Buford T. Justice (Jackie Gleason): You bet your ass on that, boy.

Buford T. Justice: And don't go home, and don't go to eat, and don't play with yourself. It wouldn't look nice on my highway. [begins to turn away, then returns] Now, you can THINK about it... but don't do it!

[Communicating through the C.B. radio]
Bandit: Sheriff, uh, Buford T. Justice, please.
Buford T. Justice: Who there?
Bandit: This is Bandit Darville talkin'.
Buford T. Justice: Where are you, you sombitch?
Bandit: Before I tell you where I am, Sheriff, there's just one thing I wanna say. You must be part coon dog, 'cause I've been chased by the best of them, and son, you make 'em look like they're all runnin' in slow motion. I just wanna say that.
Buford T. Justice: Well, thank you, Mr. Bandit. And as the pursuer, may I say you're the goddamnedest pursuee I've ever pursued. Now that the mutual bullshit is over, WHERE ARE YOU, YOU SOMBITCH?

Buford T. Justice: What we're dealing with here is a complete lack of respect for the law.

The Solid Gold Cadillac (1956)

Narrator: [last lines] The solid gold Cadillac. Well, we had to call it something.

Speed (1994)

Jack (Keanu Reeves): STOP! L.A.P.D! Get out of the car!
Maurice the Tune Man (Glenn Plummer):
Hey man, this is MY car, I OWN this car, it's NOT stolen.
It is now. Move over.

Annie (Sandra Bullock): So you're a cop, right?
That's right.
Well, I should probably tell you that I'm taking the bus because I had my driver's license revoked.
What for?

Jack: Can you handle this bus?
Oh sure, it's just like driving a really big Pinto.

Howard Payne (Dennis Hopper): Pop quiz, hotshot. There's a bomb on a bus. Once the bus goes 50 miles an hour, the bomb is armed. If it drops below 50, it blows up. What do you do? What do you do?

Jack: It's a game. If he gets the money he wins, if the bus blows up he wins.
What if you win?
Then tomorrow we'll play another one.
But I'm not avalible to drive tomorrow. Busy.

Annie: What is that smell?
It's gas.
We're leaking gas?
We are now.
What, you thought you needed another challenge or something?

Spinout (1966)

Cynthia Foxhugh (Shelley Fabares): The way you sing, the way you drive, the way you get mad! Mike, I really go for you!
Mike McCoy (Elvis Presley): Honey, I'm just about to go for you!
Cynthia Foxhugh: Oooh! I can hardly wait!
Mike McCoy: If you're not out of here in about three seconds, I'm gonna put you over my knee, I'm gonna paddle your bottom until it's as red as that jalopy you're driving!

Larry (Jimmy Hawkins): [as Mike test drives Foxhugh's Fox 5 car on the racetrack] Sure knows how to handle that car!
Les (Deborah Walley): Well, best driver on any track!
Howard Foxhugh (Carl Betz): Yeah, it looks like your plan worked.
Les: Yeah!
Howard Foxhugh: You seem pretty anxious to have Mike drive for me.
Les: Oh, yeah, well the prize money is good.
Larry: You see, Mr. Foxhugh, if we keep him busy driving, he won't have any time for your kid.

The Spy Who Loved Me (1977)

Q (Desmond Llewelyn): Right. Now pay attention, 007. I want you to take great care of this equipment. There are one or two rather special accessories...
James Bond (Roger Moore): Q, have I ever let you down?
Q: Frequently.

Bond: [Amasova has just used a Bond car gadget to kill an enemy] How did you know about that?
Major Anya Amasova (Barbara Bach): I stole the plans to this car two years ago.

Stand by Me (1986)

Gordie (Wil Wheaton): Mickey is a mouse, Donald is a duck, Pluto is a dog. What's Goofy...?
Teddy (Corey Feldman): He's a dog, he's definitely a dog...
Chris (River Phoenix): He can't be a dog, he wears a hat and drives a car...
Vern (Jerry O'Connell): Yeah, that is weird. What the hell is Goofy?

Sanford and Son (1972)

Fred Sanford: [a Mexican man takes the stand in court] I'll bet he got a speeding ticket. See, when Mexicans finally get their cars started, they gotta get where they're going real fast before their car stalls again.

Saturday Night Live (1975)

Medical Reporter: [singing] Everybody doesn't like something; but nobody doesn't like... orgasms. For years it was thought that there was only one type of orgasm; however, thanks to research and our new found friend Mr. G-Spot, scientists have been able to identify several different types of orgasms. For example, people who have sex in sports cars experience Four-on-the-Floorgasms.

Starsky & Hutch (2004)

Starsky (Ben Stiller): Stop shooting my car.

Starsky: I like your Lincoln.
Huggy Bear (Snoop Dogg): It's a '76. Won't be out 'til next year. But I know some people that know some people that robbed some people.

Strange Brew

Bob McKenzie: He once got our dead battery goin' by mixin' bird feces and spit, cause there's like acids in it, eh?

Stroker Ace (1983)

Charlie (Alfie Wise): What's so bad about second?
Stroker Ace (Burt Reynolds): Screw Second!

Summer Job (1989)

Tom: Sorry I'm late, but my car broke down and I had to hijack a bus.

Sunset Blvd. (1950)

Joe Gillis (William Holden): May I say that you smell really special?
Betty Schaefer (Nancy Olson): It must be my new shampoo.
Joe Gillis: That's no shampoo. It's more like freshly-laundered linen handkerchiefs, like a brand new automobile.

Super Troopers (2001)

Farva (Kevin Heffernan): License and registration... chicken f**ker.

Farva: Say car Ram-Rod.

Farva: Hey, let's pop some Viagras and issue tickets with raging, mega-huge boners.
Thorny (Jay Chandrasekhar): You know, Farva, only you can make a dark man blush. And no, we're not doing it.

Farva: It doesn't matter cause I'm going to win ten million dollars.
Thorny: What are you going to do with ten million dollars, and you can't say buy the Cleveland Cavaliers.
Farva: I'd buy a ten million dollar car.
Thorny: That's fine I'd still pull you over.
Farva: Bull Shit. You couldn't pull me over, and even if you did I'd activate my car's wings and I'd fly away.

Rabbit (Erik Stolhanske): Holy shit, it's a cool winabego!

Foster (Paul Soter): [explaining his low number of citations issued] I can't make them speed.
Captain O'Hagan (Brian Cox): Try hiding.

Sweet Valley High (1994)

Jessica: I've taken the liberty of separating the boys at Sweet Valley High into different categories of desirability. Now these guys are warm, sensitive, and have high GPA's. Losers! Feel free to pass them on to Enid. Now, these guys have hot bodies, great cars, and cool hair.

Tango & Cash (1989)

Ray Tango [Sylvester Stallone]: I've got good news and bad news.
Gabriel Cash [Kurt Russell]: What's the bad news?
Tango: We're almost out of gas.
Cash: What's the good news?
Tango: We're ALMOST out of gas.

Taxi (2004)

Washburn's Mom [Ann-Margret]: Andy is not a really strong driver. See, he had a really bad experience when, uh, he had his first driving lesson, so...
Washburn [Jimmy Fallon]: Driving lesson? You call that a driving lesson?
Washburn's Mom: Mmmm, Yes.
Washburn: Dad let go of the wheel and said 'You better steer or else you're gonna kill the whole family'.
Washburn's Mom: Yeah. It's good for ya.
Washburn: We were going 90... I was six!
Washburn's Mom: That's right! And that's the way he taught you to swim!
Washburn: I can't swim either!

Taxi Driver (1976)

Cab Dispatcher (Harry Fischler): Why do you want to drive a cab?
Travis Bickle (Robert De Niro): I can't sleep at nights.
Cab Dispatcher: There's porno theaters for that.

Cab Dispatcher: How's your driving record? Clean?
Travis Bickle: It's clean, real clean. Like my conscience.

Team Knight Rider (1997)

Kid: Do you have superpowers?
Duke DePalma: No.
Kid: Secret identities?
Duke DePalma: No.
Kid: Do you wear capes?
Duke DePalma: No... but, we do have cool cars.

Dante: This whole TKR program went to hell the day they started making female cars.

Domino: How's your new driver, Dan?
Dante: Ah, the Bimbo Mobile is developing a sense of humor.

Thelma and Louise (1991)

Thelma (Geena Davis): God! You care more about that car than you do about most people.

Louise (Susan Sarandon): You let her go, you f**kin' asshole, or I'm gonna' splatter your ugly face all over this nice car!

Three Days of the Condor (1975)

Joe Turner (Robert Redford): I need your car.
Kathy (Faye Dunaway): It's called grand theft. You don't want to get in trouble with the police.

Three Kings (1999)

Troy Barlow (Mark Wahlberg): I'm gonna buy a set of Lexus convertibles in every color.
Chief Elgin (Ice Cube): I told you, Lexus don't make a convertible.
Troy Barlow: I'll bet you a Lexus they do.
Chief Elgin: Alright, but it won't be a convertible.

Conrad Vig (Spike Jonze): One gold Rolex would get me a very nice split-level house outside of Garland.
Troy Barlow: Five Rolexes would get my family that Lexus convertible.
Chief Elgin: I told you, Lexus doesn't make a convertible.
Troy Barlow: Yes they do, it has room in the back for a kid's seat.
Chief Elgin: Infiniti has a convertible but not Lexus.
Troy Barlow: Wrong.
Chief Elgin: Either way, the Good Lord has put this map in our path and I believe we're gonna find something.
Troy Barlow: Yeah, he could also put a land mine in our path if we go out there.

Thunder In Dixie (1964)

Mickey Arnold (Harry Millard): Why do I drive? It's the only thing I have to live for, thats why.

Rachel (Pat McAndrew): You married?
Mickey Arnold: Yeah, to the road.

Thunderball (1965)

Fiona (Luciana Paluzzi): Some men just don't like to be driven.
Bond (Sean Connery): No, some men don't like to be taken for a ride.

Thunderbolt and Lightfoot (1974)

Jeff Bridges: Why walk when you can ride?

Thunderheart (1992)

Richard Yellow Hawk (Julius Drum): You better watch yourself pal, I'm the FBI round here. Full blooded Indian.
Walter Crow Horse (Graham Greene): License and registration?
Ray Levoi (Val Kilmer): Blow me.
Walter Crow Horse: Hey, this is "my" jurisdiction now. And you were going 59 in a 55 zone.
Ray Levoi: Let me see the radar.
Walter Crow Horse: I don't need no radar, I can tell! I just listen to the wind; it said, "Fifty-nine, nail 'im!"

Titus (2000)

Erin Fitzpatrick: You let a car fall on him. I still don't know what that's about.
Ken Titus: Now he knows cars are heavy.

Christopher Titus: It should be a law. Everyone should have to own a gun. In fact, if you get caught outside your house without your gun, you get a ticket. And you get shot in the leg. Just to prove their point.
Christopher Titus: Think about it. There'd be no more car jackings.
Tommy Shafter: [Tommy's car is being robbed, the carjacker shouts "Get out of the car!", Tommy shoots the carjacker] Get out of the street!
Christopher Titus: Bag boys would be more courteous.
Ken Titus: [Ken is at the supermarket and shoots the clerk] It's canned goods first, then bagged goods!
Christopher Titus: And people in general would just be a lot friendlier.
Erin Fitzpatrick: [shooting a guy at the bank] No cuts!
Christopher Titus: I want everybody to get behind this law. Because the first couple of years, a lot of us are gonna die!

Christopher Titus: You got arrested for drunk driving and it's my fault?
Ken Titus: You built me a cop magnet! I might as well be a black guy driving a large powdered doughnut! ... This fruity, freaky pick-up you built me! It got me arrested!

Tommy Boy (1995)

Richard Hayden (David Spade): [Richard's car is destroyed by a deer] No way that just happened. My car is completely destroyed.
Tommy (Chris Farley): I've seen some crazy stuff in my time, but that... was... AWESOME. Oh, sorry about your car, man. That... That sucks.

Tommy: Forget it, I quit, I can't do this anymore, man. My head's about to explode. My whole life sucks. I don't know where I'm going, what I'm doing. My dad just died, we just killed Bambi, I'm out here getting my ass kicked and every time I drive down the road I wanna jerk the wheel INTO A GODDAMNED BRIDGE EMBUNKMENT.

Tommy: Um, what my associate is trying to say is that our new brake pads are really cool. You're not even gonna believe it. Let's say you're driving along the road with your family. [Picks up model car] You're driving along... La-de-da, woo... Suddenly there's a truck tire in the middle of the road. EEEEEEE! Whoa, that was close. Now let's see what happens when you're driving with the "other guy's" brake pads.
[Grabs another model car] You're driving along... You're driving along. The kids are yelling from the back seat, "I gotta go to the bathroom, Daddy!" "Not now, dammit!" There's a truck tire. EEEE! I CAN'T STOP! AAAH!
[Smashes the model car against a lighter] There's a cliff! AAAAH! And your family's screaming, "Oh my God, we're burning live! I can't feel my legs!"
[Sets the model car on fire] Here comes the meat wagon.
[Imiates siren] And the medic gets out and says, "Oh my God!" The new guy's around the corner puking his guts out. [Retching loudly] All because... You wanna save a couple extra pennies. And to me, that doesn't...
Executive with Toy Cars (Marc Strange): Get out. Now!
Tommy: [Richard tries to douse flaming car] Do you validate?
Executive with Toy Cars: No!

[Richard and Tommy almost got in a car accident after hood flips up]
Hayden: Hey... I was just thinking... when we stopped for gas this morning I think it was you who put the oil in.
Tommy: Hey if you're going to say I didn't put the right kind in, you're wrong. I used 10-W-30. And besides, motor oil would have nothing to do with this accident.
Hayden: True. But you can't latch the hood too well, if you don't take the can out, you no selling waste of space. I swear to God, you're worthless.

Hayden: What did I say about eating in the car anyways?
Tommy: It's not good cause it spoils your dinner?
[Tommy carelessly set an open bag of M&M's on the dashboard and they immediately poor into an open slot]
Hayden: Oh that sounds good: melted chocolate inside the dash, that really ups the resale value.
Tommy: I think you'll be okay here, they have a thin candy shell. 'Surprised you didn't know that.
Hayden: I think your brain has a thick candy shell.

Hayden: Okay... seatbelts. Just put the little thing into the big thing and... I tell ya what. If you don't know how to fasten your seatbelt, just raise your hand and I'll have Tommy Boy here come back there and hit you in the head with a tack hammer because you're a RETARD.

Tomorrow Never Dies (1997)

Q (Desmond Llewelyn): It's the insurance damage waiver for your beautiful new car. Will you need collision coverage?
James Bond (Pierce Brosnan): Yes
Q: Fire?
Bond: Probably
Q: Personal Injury?
Bond: I hope not, but accidents do happen.
Q: They frequently do with you.
Bond: Is there any other protection I need?
Q: Only from me 007, unless you bring that car back in pristine order

Top Gear (1978-)

Jeremy Clarkson: [about Ferrari Enzo] I rang up Jay Kay, who's got one, and said, "You know, can we borrow yours?" and he said, "Yeah, if I can borrow your daughter, because it amounts to the same thing."

Jeremy Clarkson: [about Ferrari Enzo] Ferrari is so pleased with it, they've named it after the founder of the company. They call it the Enzo. That'd be the same as Lotus calling their next car... "The Colin".

Jeremy Clarkson: [about Ford GT40] Was this the greatest hypercar of them all ? Well, that's a question I've never really been able to answer, because the GT40 is 40 inches tall... and I'm not.

Jeremy Clarkson: [about TVR Tuscan 2] You see, my wife loves this car. She loves the noise and the vibrations and the sense of danger and the way that when you over-rev it, the whole dash lights up like a baboon's backside. Richard Hammond on the other hand, he pretty much hates it. He says its too difficult and too complicated and that all the stitching in here looks like the kind of stitching you find when someone's tried to mend their own shoes.

Jeremy Clarkson: [peering into the engine bay on the Lotus Exige] To get an idea of just how spartan this thing is, you just have to look through the rear window. Back there you've got chicken wire, bakofoil and tupperware. It's kind of like peering into one of your grannies' old kitchen cabinets.

Jeremy Clarkson: Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really work. It's like making a hard core adult film, and then editing it so that it can be shown in British hotels. You'd just end up with a sort of half hour close up of some bloke's sweaty face.

Jeremy Clarkson: We start tonight with the highlight of my childhood. It's the Ladybird Book of Motorcars from 1963, and as you would imagine it's full of rubbish really. Just endless boring grey shapes, until you get to page 40, where you find the Maserati 3500 GT. Now this for me, when I was little, was like kind of Jordan and Cameron Diaz. In a bath together. With a Lightning jet fighter. And lots of jelly.

James May: [looking through the survey results] I've just noticed, looking though these results, that ten of the thirteen bottom cars are French.
Jeremy Clarkson: That's possibly why they're burning them in Paris at the moment!
James May: I think they're just catching fire by themselves!

Jeremy Clarkson: For me, the best supercar is the Ford GT. I like it so much, I actually bought this one twice.
Richard Hammond: You bought it twice because it kept breaking down and you sent it back!

Jeremy Clarkson: [When driving thr McLaren Mercedes SLR through a tunnel] When they debate as to what the sound of the SLK engine was akin to, the British engineers from McLaren said it sounded like a Spitfire. But the German engineers from Mercedes said "Nein! Nein! Sounds like a Messerschmitt!" They were both wrong. It sounds like the God of Thunder, gargling with nails.

Torque (2004)

Cary Ford (Martin Henderson): I live my life a quarter-mile at a time.
Shane (Monet Mazur): That is the dumbest thing I've ever heard!

Ford: What is it about driving cars that makes you all such assholes?

Shane: [Shane and Ford are driving a stock-racing car] Ford, traffic!
Ford: Aw! This is why I hate four wheels!

Training Day (2001)

Jake Hoyt (Ethan Hawke): This car is not from the motor pool.
Alonzo Harris (Denzel Washington): It's not, sexy though, ain't it?
Hoyt: So, where's the office? Back at division?
Harris: You're in the office, baby.

True Lies (1994)

Simon (Bill Paxton): Men want this car for only one reason: p***y. ... Let's face it. The 'Vette... gets 'em wet!

Gib (Tom Arnold): So your life's in the crapper. So you wife is banging a used car salesman - it's humiliating, I know. But goddamnit, Harry, take it like a man!

Turbulence (1997)

Betty (Heidi Kling): I dated a criminal once.
Teri (Lauren Holly): Only once?
Betty: He owned a used car lot. They busted him for turning back the odometers.
Teri: How could you trust someone like that?
Betty: I figured I did the same thing when I told him I was 21.

Turner & Hooch (1989)

Scott Turner (Tom Hanks): Don't eat the car! Not the car! Oh, what am I yelling at you for? You're a dog!

Twister (1996)

Jo (Helen Hunt): Where's my truck...? [truck lands nearby] There it is.

[Jo is salvaging belongings from her crashed truck and looking at Bill's new truck]
Jo: You got full insurance on that truck?
Bill ( Bill Paxton): Liability only.
Jo: [thoughtfully] Liability only...
Jo: That's a very nice truck.
Bill: Don't even think about it. [Jo keeps cleaning out her truck] No way!

Jo: Can I drive?
Bill: No!
Jo: Then would you?
Bill: [noticing truck going off the road] Whoa!

Jo: Have you lost your nerve?
Bill: Tighten your seatbelt.

Jo: You're going to the hospital.
Aunt Meg (Lois Smith): OK, I'll go, but I'm gonna drive myself.
Rabbit (Alan Ruck): Honey, your car is in a tree around the corner.

Two-Lane Blacktop (1971)

G.T.O. (Warren Oates): Well, here we are on the road.
The Driver (James Taylor): Yup, that's where we are all right.

The Mechanic (Dennis Wilson): You'd have yourself a real street-sweeper here if you put a little work into it.
G.T.O.: I go fast enough.
The Driver: You can never go fast enough.

G.T.O.: Performance and image, that's what it's all about.

U-Turn (1997)

Bobby (Sean Penn): It's not just a car. It's a sixty-four-and-a-half Mustang convertible.

Bobby: Listen to me you stupid f**k...
Darrell (Billy Bob Thornton): No! You listen to me goddamnit! Ya sorry son of a bitch! You owe me money! And this car aint goin' no place 'till I get it!

The Unbelievable Truth (1989)

Josh Hutton (Robert John Burke): The last time I took a drink, I got into a car crash and I killed a girl.
Otis (Matt Malloy): No!
Josh Hutton: Yeah.
Otis: That's enough to drive you to drink.

Up in Smoke (1978)

Pedro (Cheech Marin): Hey how am I driving, man?
Man Stoner (Tommy Chong): [looks around] : I think we're parked.

Arresting Officer (Arthur Roberts): Sir, could I please see your license?
Pedro: Whuut?
Arresting Officer: Your license. Where's your license?
Pedro: It's back there on the bumper, man!
Arresting Officer: No, I mean your DRIVER'S license.
Pedro: Oh yeah, I got the bullshit back here man...
[gets license with great difficulty]
Pedro: Hey I thought'a somethin' really funny, man... Your mother!
Arresting Officer: [after dirty look, of course] Sir, what's your name?
Pedro: uuhhh... Isn't in on the license, man? Yeah, that's it! Pedro La Parcas, man, that's my name...
Arresting Officer: [to Man] Sir, what's your name?
Pedro: Whut? I told you my name, man!
Arresting Officer: [to Man] Sir... what's YOUR name?
Pedro: [to Man] Hey man! The dude wants to know your name, man!
[Man vomits onto the floor of the car]
Pedro: Uuhhh - His name is RAALLLPH, man!

Used Cars (1980)

Jim the Mechanic (Frank McRae): Maroon car, my ass. This motherf**ker's red.

Barbara Jane Fuchs (Deborah Harmon): Come down and see the mile of cars we have on our lot.
Rudy (Kurt Russell): Did she just say "mile of cars"? She said "mile of cars".
Big Jim (Frank McRae): Most blatant case of false advertising I even did see.

[President Carter on TV]
President Carter: -high inflation. What is the solution?
[TV cuts to commercial for Luke's yard taking place in Roy's yard]
Jeff (Gerrit Graham): You want the solution to inflation? Hi, friends. Marshall Lucky here for New Deal Used Cars, where we're lowering inflation not only by fighting high prices, not only by murdering high prices, but by blowing the living shit out of high prices. Yessir. Here's an example. It's a 1972 Cadillac Coupe DeVille, for sixty-two ninety-nine. That price is too high.
[shoots car]
Yessir. Here's another one. It's a Lincoln Continental, Mark IV, 1973. It's loaded. It's got air conditioning. It's got a stereo. It's got white-wall radial tires. It's got power steering, power brakes, power seats, power windows. And a price that is just too high.
[shoots car]
[Jim appears on car behind him in costume]
Freddie: [on microphone] Look out, Marshall Lucky. It's High Prices.
Jeff: Take this, you dirty ol' High Prices.
["shoots" Jim, who puts on a very convincing act]
Jim: AHHHH. Ya got me Marshall. Ahhhhh...
Jeff: [shocked] Jesus Christ!
[winks at screen]
Jeff: Yessir, that's New Deal Used Cars... Now wait just a Goddamn minute. What the hell is this? Is this a 1974 Mercedes 450SL for twenty-four thousand dollars? That's too f**king high.
[blows up car with dynamite. Roy watches at home]
Roy: You sonova bitch.
Jeff: [laughs] Yessir. We blew the shit out of that over-priced motherf**ker just the way we blow the shit out of all high prices, down here at New Deal Used Cars. So y'all come on down. Did you hear what I said? New Deal Used Cars. So y'all come on down. Did you hear what I said?
[TV cuts back to President]
President Carter: I have heard you, with unmistakable clarity...
Roy: You sonova bitch.
[kicks TV and electrocutes himself]

FBI Inspector: You want to give me that again?
Jeff: Uh, well, yes. As I say, Inspector, I heard this large explosion and I rushed out, I couldn't tell what was going on. I saw the car over there in flames and all these strange little characters, you know, with towels on their heads, weird little goatees and stuff, running around yelling: "Ayatollah, Ayatollah." Then they all got in a car and drove away. I guess it was Iranian students out to discredit the American way of life. I can't imagine who else would do such a thing.

Rudy: Manuel! What the hell are you using; water based paint?
Manuel: Sure. How much rain do we get around here anyway? If you don't like these, I'll get you some others. Here is my inventory.
Rudy: Manuel, this is a picture of 250 cars. I can't make a deal on a picture. Take these around back and I'll think of something.

Vacation (1983)

Mechanic 1 [Mickey Jones]: Ain't never seen anyone so shit-all stupid as you driving off that road. You musta got manure for your brains.
Clark [Chevy Chase]: Yeah, well, we're from out of town. How much do we owe?
Mechanic 2 [John Diehl]: All of it.
Clark: C'mon, seriously. How much do we owe?
Mechanic 2: [waving a wrench] I said all of it, boy.
Clark: What does your sheriff think of your business practices?
[Mechanic 2 laughs and shows his sheriff's badge]

Clark Griswald: Ed, this is not the car I ordered. I distinctly ordered the Antartic Blue Super Sports Wagon with C.B. and optional rally fun pack.
Ed, the car salesman: You didn't order the Metallic Pea?

Ed, the car salesman [Eugene Levy]: Wait a minute, I'll get to the bottom of this, we'll find your car. Davenport!
Davenport [Gerry Black]: Yes, Mr. Ed.
Ed, the car salesman: Where is Mr. Griswold's Sports Wagon?
Davenport: I don't know.
Ed, the car salesman: I know what must have happened. It didn't come in. Now I can get you the Sports Wagon; the only problem is that it may take six weeks. I owe it to myself to tell you that if you're taking the whole tribe cross-country, the Wagon Queen Family Truckster is the way to go. You think you hate it now, but just wait until you drive it.
Clark Griswald: Ed, I'm not your average fool.

Roy Walley [Eddie Bracken]: Roy; can I call you Roy? Have you even driven your whole family cross country?
Roy Walley: Oh, hell yes. Once I drove all of them to Florida. The smell coming out of the back seat was terrible.
Clark Griswald: I know that smell, Roy; but what if you had driven all that way and Florida was closed?
Roy Walley: Closed? Uh, they don't close Florida.

Clark Griswald: [talking about Aunt Edna] She can't weigh more than 100 pounds.
Ellen Griswald: Oh, no. You can't just put her on the roof.
Audrey Griswald: Yes, he can!
Clark Griswald: You want me to strap her to the hood? She'll be fine. It's not as if it's going to rain or something.

Viva Las Vegas (1964)

Elvis Presley: It's one of a kind. I built it myself.... It's what I call a real sporty model.

Weekend at Bernie's (1989)

Larry Wilson [Andrew McCarthy]: God, that guy; beautiful apartment, house at the beach, babes, boat, car. Do you know how much it costs to park a car in Manhattan every month? More than my rent.
Richard Parker [Jonathan Silverman]: Well, I mean it's only fair. His car is a bit bigger than your apartment.

Wildcats (1986)

Trumaine [Wesley Snipes]: Don't worry baby, this my uncle's car, he lets me borrow it whenever I want.

Wizard of Speed and Time, The (1989)

Canadian Thug [Gary Schwartz]: Gee, I never drove a stick shift before.
American Thug [Frank LaLoggia]: This is automatic!
Canadian Thug: Well then how come it's not drivin' itself, eh?
American Thug: Where'd you learn to drive?
Canadian Thug: The Autopia at Disneyland.

Written on the Wind (1956)

Dorothy Malone: Hark! I think I hear the master's kiddie-car. I hope the drawbridge is down.


Dana Scully [Gillian Anderson]: What happened?
Fox Mulder [David Duchovny]: We lost power. Brakes, steering, everything. [checks watch] We lost nine minutes!
Dana Scully: ...You're saying that time disappeared. Time can't just disappear. It's a universal invariant!
[car restarts itself]
Fox Mulder: Not in this zip code!

xXx (2002)

Xander Cage [Vin Diesel]: I like anything fast enough to do something stupid in.

Xander Cage: These monkeys are following me because I just stole this car. . .obviously it's not mine, it ain't my style.

Xander Cage: [after getting shot with a dart] It was only a corvette!

You Can Count on Me (2000)

Terry [Mark Ruffalo]: Put on your seat belt.
Rudy {Rory Culkin]: It pushes on my neck.
Terry: What?
Rudy: It pushes on my neck, it's uncomfortable.
Terry: Well, when someone slams into us and you go sailing through the windshield, that's liable to be uncomfortable, too. Now, put on a seat belt.

The Young Stranger (1957)

Teen: You know, they arrested me for car theft. My dad's car! Gee if I'd known I was gonna get caught, I'd have done pretty much better for myself. My dad's car---what a heap!

Zombie Campout (2002)

Tammy [Tiffany Black]: That's freaking crazy, I had no idea people actually did that.
Trevor [Jeremy Schwab]: Well you know they say like one in ten people driving on the highway are driving naked.
Bunny [Misty Orman]: We're not on the highway.
Steve [John M. Davis]: Yeah, but, technically, you have to drive on the street first, to get to the highway to drive naked.
Trevor: That's true.

"8 Simple Rules... for Dating My Teenage Daughter" (2002) TV

Rory [Martin Spanjers]: Uh, Dad...
Paul [John Ritter]: Not now Rory!
Rory: But it's important!
Paul: I said just a minute!
Rory: [opens front door] Well ok...
Paul: Is that Bridget? Is that Bridget driving my car? Without a license?
Rory: Oh, so now you wanna know.

Paul: Rory! Go sit in the car!
Rory: But, dad! We're at home!

"A-Team, The" (1983) TV

B.A. Baracus [Mr. T]: I don't start no trouble. I mind my own business.
Amy [Melinda Culea]: B.A., going up to a traffic cop who's writing out a ticket for your van, and eating the citation right in front of his face, absolutely falls under "starting trouble."

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Hot Rods & Custom Stuff, 2324 Auto Park Way, Escondido, CA., 1-800-HOT-ROD-5.

Hot Rods & Custom Stuff - builds, restores, paints, services and sells parts for classic autos, cars, trucks and street rods.