* You lose the stop-light challenge to a 14-year old on a moped.
* 15 minute Jiffy Lube needs to keep your car for 3 days.
* When you gas up, the attendant asks, "Can I re-duct tape that windshield for you?"
* While waiting at a stop-light, people run up to your car asking if anyone was hurt.
* For the last five years, you've had to settle for making "vroom-vroom" noises while sitting in the driveway.
* You keep losing dates on left turns.
* Traffic reporters are starting to refer to you by name when discussing morning tie-ups.
* Your tires are balding faster than Michael Bolton.
* The engine burns more oil than gas.
* You wouldn't mind if you were car-jacked.
* You judge suitable parking spaces by the degree of downhill slope.
* You have the local tow company on speed-dial.
* The engine catches fire and you don't notice anything wrong until the firetruck pulls you over.
* You can leave your car parked, unlocked, with the keys in the ignition, and not worry about it being stolen.
* Public transportation starts to look good.
* Your entire car isn't worth the minimum insurance deductable.
* The city sends you a notice requesting that you remove the "abandoned vehicle" from your driveway.
* Even homeless people look derisively at your car.
* Every time you start your car, the local smog index jumps a whole point.
* The local mechanic says that doing a tune-up is just "throwing good money after bad."
* You double the value of your car everytime you fill the tank.
* The 8-track tape deck finnally eats your last tape.
* When you try to sell it, The Old Car Trader won't accept your ad because they, "have a reputation to protect."